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Big Balls Now Exposed to Serious Criminal Charges in at Least Six States (cmarmitage.substack.com)

submitted 1 week ago by ArmchairAce1944@discuss.online to c/world@lemmy.world

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[-] BurntWits@sh.itjust.works 13 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

The Ballad of Big Balls by Jesse Welles

When I heard the NRA was writing big-ass cheques
I went right down to Virginia and I said “me next”
They said go ye to the schools and spread the good news
I said I need a bulletproof vest and some good running shoes
They said “we got those” I said “cool, where at?”
They said “they’re next to the spoons making everyone fat”

Now I was rolling my eyes like a rolling stone
When uncle Huckabee called me on the telephone
He said “I’m raising up money for a people in need”
I said “of course, uncle Huck’, that strip is starving indeed”
He said “the lord’s at work here, boy, and the job ain’t done
Son you need Jesus, and Jesus needs guns”

It makes no sense
One man’s terror’s another man’s defence

When the Holy Golden Toad spat him out of his mouth
The technobillionaire goblin was about KO’d out
But he left behind Big Balls like some vestigial tail
And them balls went to town and they got beat all to hell
Some days the DOGE-ing is easy, some days the DOGE-ing is hard
When the DOGE-ing don’t work, you’d better call in the guard

The citrus Caesar and the Theilian prince
Were throwing it all at the wall just to see what would stick
Even I got distracted, that weather was bad
That was the ICE-iest summer that I’ve ever had
Some days I forget that Cracker Barrels exist
But there ain’t no one forgetting about that list

It makes no sense
One man’s crime’s another man’s intelligence

The Nostradamus of Austin cried out to the lord
He said “them frogs might be gay but I’ll still be your sword”
While television anchors talked at the air
Does a lie make a noise if there ain’t nobody there?
“This ain’t no country for cable” said the wisest of men
Honey, crank up that Tucker while I pack me a zyn

It was getting kind of late so I went back to the morgue
They were doing the autopsy of July 4th
I said “hold the scalpel boys! She ain’t dead yet
I got a parlay on China, we can still win the bet”
The technician was drunk on Muskadine wine
He said “I’m going to Mars” I said “good riddance, goodbye”

It makes no sense
You can leave if you want, but, all your problems go with

this post was submitted on 23 Sep 2026

644 points (97.9% liked)

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