Hey ladies.
Me. Again.
I’m sorry to be posting so frequently. I’m sort of scrambling to figure things out. I’ve already had to be corrected on how I word things, so I’m still learning, and I do apologize if I’m clogging this place up with stupid questions. This will be my last post for a while.
I am 34 now. And I could go on and on with examples after examples in my life of moments where I should have started wondering, but I’ve only learned this about myself recently.
I won’t give my life story, but I will say this: Most, if not all, trans women I’ve listened to have described a history of unpleasant feelings associated with their prescribed gender at birth. Some women talk about having always felt weird being called “he”. Some women describe not wanting to have a penis or testicles. Some have described puberty being a distressful time for them.
However, in my case my dysphoria (if indeed it’s dysphoria) has almost exclusively been envy. I was never actively disgusted by being called “he” or having lots of body hair. I was just super super envious of the girls who didn’t have it.
I’ve always had a more feminine cadence in online discussions like on discord or aol way back when. So that’s where I’ve always expressed myself truly on. It’s never bothered me to be called a man in person, but it does fill me with a lot of joy to be called “she”. A woman I’ve spoken with on discord has no idea I’m trans. She just knows I’m a woman, and she called me “girlie” the other day and I wanted to cry and squirm with excitement. I’m not sure if that’s weird.
It’s more like…indifference to masculinity with active joy from femininity. Being a man isn’t so much something I want to avoid as much as it is being a woman is something I exceedingly want to do.
I don’t know if that’s weird makes sense…
Honestly what you describe in your last part there - about indifference to masculinity and exeling at feminity - is exactly what led me tk figuring out this trans buisness and all. I never had much dysphoria but damn, gender euphoria is kind of the best feeling ever and something I never felt back in the man times. So yeah tbh girl go for it :)
And regarding dysphoria: In my case I developed some dysphoria over the years and it also went away. I knwo that at the start I was to overwhelmed and hasty and lacked the right words to find it. Plus I was a emotuonal pent up bitch with no way to feel emotions, so how the fuck was I gonna get dysphorja feelings than.
Anyway hope this helps, I posted about being trans and not being dysphoric a couple of weeks ago aswell and I cam reccomend it if you wanna read up on it :)