corey quinn at https://lnkd.in/p/gXmqzqpZ

I'm a man. I have a yellow hat. I also have a monkey. My track record of supervising this monkey is spotty at best, but that's not important right now.

He is a very smart monkey. When you tell him to do something, he does it in a way that's smarter than any monkey you've ever seen in your life. You had no idea monkeys were even capable of this level of greatness. Billions of dollars have now been poured into the economy, extolling the virtues and achievements of this incredible monkey. He can do things better than humans.

Cheaper than humans.

Get rid of the humans.

You don't need the humans; you have the monkey. Okay, keep a couple of humans for guardrails; not too many. They're expensive, and the monkey does it better anyway.

Suddenly it has come out that my monkey, in addition to being incredibly intelligent, has also been committing an escalating number of felonies. And also pooping. So much poop.

We are now in undefined times. Never before has a monkey committed a crime; our legal systems are completely unprepared to apportion blame to me, the man in the yellow hat who has once again failed to properly supervise his monkey. Who is responsible for this monkey's shitty, shitty behavior? It is completely unknowable. Clearly, the entire legal system will need to be overhauled to address the concept of a monkey committing crimes.

Now please excuse me, I just got a call telling me that my teenager stole a car. Unfortunately I have a sneaking suspicion as to who is legally responsible here, and I dislike it. This is especially distressing, as the teenager has never made a cent for me in his life, yet I'm about to spend a boatload on criminal defense attorneys.