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A question about attraction (pawb.social)
submitted 6 days ago by OmegaMouse@pawb.social to c/asktransgender@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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Hi all, I've been thinking about this a while and to be honest I'm a bit confused about it.

I'm a cis gay(?) guy and basically I want to know, is it ok to be attracted to trans women but not cis women? I'm worried that this separation might be considered invalidating?

Also I don't know what label to use for my own sexuality in this case, but maybe labels aren't always straightforward or all that important

Thank you :3

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[-] OmegaMouse@pawb.social 3 points 5 days ago

Thanks for sharing your perspective :)

It makes me feel like they see me as “male enough”. I do not want to be an attractive man. Much, much better to be an unattractive and unwanted woman than an attractive man. It’s not possible creating a connection to a person if I strongly suspect they are invalidating me in their head.

Yes this is exactly what I want to avoid, and I'd hate to make someone feel that way. Maybe it's best to avoid using labels in the first place. 'Gay' seems very limiting and it could give someone the wrong impression when I'm sometimes attracted to women.

So, at least I’d need something that makes it clear I’m not being seen as a crossdressing man, because that’s not what I am. It would feel insulting to me to be seen as something else than what I am.

I would never think that about a trans woman and I hope no one ever makes you feel like that!

[-] Lehmuusa@nord.pub 4 points 5 days ago

I would never think that about a trans woman and I hope no one ever makes you feel like that!

Haha, the insecurity is there no matter what. The feeling of not being good enough comes from the inside. It's super easy for me to go to an assumption spree regarding what others think about me. And my understanding is that this is fairly universal among all trans folks.

But also: If I get a good hug and feel cared, I'm bound to forget to worry.

[-] OmegaMouse@pawb.social 2 points 5 days ago

Yeah that makes sense, and I've heard similar from others. Society and the whole system pressures trans folk to question themselves constantly.

Stuff I've done with trans women has usually been chatting, cuddling and maybe making out so I'm hoping it makes people feel safe

[-] Lehmuusa@nord.pub 3 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

It does. It absolutely does 💛

And all in all: at least I don't care a flying fuck about what other women you find attractive. And there's no reason why that would even end up being the subject of any conversation.

Shortly put: As long as you care about the person inside the body, do go for it! :)

[-] OmegaMouse@pawb.social 2 points 5 days ago

Thank you for the reassurance! :)

this post was submitted on 30 Sep 2026
12 points (100.0% liked)

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