Recently started going through the ADHD diagnosis pathway after putting it off for years; as is tradition. Over the course of a couple months I saw a psychiatrist, did the screening, got told I have ADHD and started a trial medication. It was life changing. The greatest improvement in my quality of life on par only with moving out of home.

The problem? My psychiatrist tore her Achilles tendon days before our follow up session where I would receive a written diagnosis and be able to get prescriptions easily and readily from a general practitioner. The only advice I got from them was to have my gp handle my prescriptions (which I can't do) in a no reply text before becoming unreachable for who knows how fuck long.

My trial medication is now starting to run out and I am having to ration it out to try and keep it going. On the days I don't take it I can already feel my pre-medication normal returning.

• Inability to start tasks on demand
• Frequent breaks during tasks where I do nothing
• Uncontrollable/ unstoppable train of thought
• Anxiety increasing
• Disproportionate emotional reactions
• Apartment returning to its cluttered state Inability to put things down in their place or keep track of where I put a thing down
• Loss of confidence particularly in social situations
• Forgetfulness in general increasing
• Sleep cycle deviating from normal circadian rhythm to pre-medication "normal"

And to top it all off

• Depressive symptoms returning including suicidal thoughts
• Anxiety driven self harm increasing

Its been one fucking day and already I don't understand how I lived like this for my entire life up until 2 months ago. Its so frustrating.

I felt normal for the first time ever. I felt like I could relate to the experiences of others for the first time ever. I felt like I was progressing my life for the first time since graduating highschool and in a direction that I both wanted and chose for myself for the first time ever.

And now I can feel it all slipping away. Regressing into patterns I never used to realise were avoidable, that weren't my fault.

I've already tried contacting my psychiatrist, I've already tried explaining my unusual circumstances to a doctor. All I can do is wait for an unknowable length of time for my psychiatrist to recover or spend hundreds to thousands of dollars and months of my life going through the diagnosis process again.

That or spend hundreds of dollars illegally purchasing medication risking my health and lawful repercussions in the process. All for a medication that I know works, has been prescribed to me by a psychiatrist and made me feel human.

Thanks for reading.