Hey there beautiful people, I'm questioning my gender (again) and this time, I don't know how to find an answer that feels right. In the past, I've questioned myself before and came to the conclusion that yes, I'm comfortable bring a cis guy. Recently, however, I've been questioning it again, and I can't seem to come to a conclusion that makes sense to me. Sorry if this isn't the right place for it, but this seems like the best community to consult
Overall, I feel comfortable in my body. I never really had any dysphoria, so I kinda just assumed that meant I was cis, but I've come to realize that's not always the case. I heard a better question is "would being a girl bring you euphoria", and that's a much harder question for me to answer. Growing up, I was always fairly in-touch with my feminine side: never shy to play with girl toys in school, always felt like I bonded better with my friends that were were girls, and occasionally wore skirts and dresses in public because it was fun. Back when I used reddit, I always enjoyed the r/egg_irl memes, but I didnt necessary relate, I just felt like marge simpson saying "I just think it's neat".
At the same time, I never really "wanted" to be a girl, but I also never "wanted" to be a guy, it's just what happened. It's hard for me to answer "would being a girl bring you euphoria" because I don't know what it would be like. I'm comfortable being a guy, but I can't say there's anything specific that I like about it, other than easier social norms and such. I've heard of "the button" thought experiment, where if you could press a button and instantly transform into the opposite gender, would you? I find my brain wants to know other information about the thought experiment rather than addressing the core question (for example: can i press it again to turn back?), and idk if that's just because I can be very focused on the analytical and practicality of things, or if it's because it's a hard question for me to answer.
I'm hoping to get some advice, but even through the course of writing this, it's becoming more and more clear to me that I'm probably not 100% cis. I'm pretty sure most cis people dont put this much thought into it, but if I'm not cis, then what am I? I still don't have any clue.
Hi! I've been right where you are, and the path for me ended up being transitioning. However, it wasn't a decision I just made, knowing from the start that it's what I wanted. I knew I wasn't quite cis, and the idea of feminine things really brought me joy. It finally came to a head when I imagined wearing a wedding dress when I get married, and broke down crying. I didn't go straight into HRT, I started with little things. For a while, I called myself gender fluid, and would dress femme some days, masc others. I tried other pronouns with people I trusted. It was only after many smaller steps, all of which brought me joy, that I finally decided transitioning was right for me.
You don't need to have the answers right now. You don't need to go through a period of questioning and then come to some sort of definitive conclusion. Some people do, and it's an easy decision for them to make. In my case, it's completely clear in hindsight, but I needed to take so many smaller steps first. Take those steps, and see how you feel. Gender is complex. Take things at the pace that feels right. You might be trans, but you also might be non-binary, gender fluid, or even femme and cis. Don't get too hung up on the labels, just figure out what actually makes you happy. The labels are just part of the social construct.