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My last and important question..He has his family and friends, while I'm left alone trying to heal. How do I rebuild my life after losing myself in a relationship? (thelemmy.club)
submitted 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) by Rush@thelemmy.club to c/relationship_advice@lemmy.world
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Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read my story and share their perspectives. I'm genuinely struggling to make sense of everything, and your responses have helped me reflect on things I couldn't understand on my own.

But Was emotionally cheating on me really necessary? If he wanted to explore other girls or experience life outside our relationship, why couldn't he just be honest with me and end things instead of keeping me emotionally attached with promises of love and a future together? I could have been heartbroken, but at least I would have had the truth and the choice to walk away. What hurts the most is that he kept reassuring me that I was the person he wanted to spend his life with, only for me to discover that he was exploring other possibilities behind my back.

I know I wasn't perfect. I was emotionally dependent on him and sometimes struggled to give him space, partly because he had threatened to leave me so many times before. I keep wondering whether things would have been different if I had handled my anxiety better. But I also wonder whether I'm blaming myself for choices that were entirely his responsibility.

One more thing I wanted to share is that this relationship has really affected my self esteem. I've started doubting myself and feeling like I'm not good enough. Sometimes I suddenly start crying or feeling anxious, and I find myself punishing myself emotionally for things that happened in the relationship. I've even started avoiding mirrors because looking at my face or body makes me question my worth. I know this isn't healthy, but I don't know how to stop feeling this way. It's like his choices have somehow made me question my own worth, even though I know I tried my best to love him...

About cheating.....He bought Bumble Premium, talked to 6 ...7 girls, put up a bio saying he was looking for a long term relationship, shared his photos and contact details (Instagram and Telegram) with them, and entertained some girls' sexual fantasies while he was still with me....nd behaving loving but slightly distant like less phone calls nd all....My hands still tremble whenever I remember seeing the photos of the girls he was talking to when I opened his phone.

My exams are near, and I feel like I've lost myself completely. I don't even have any hobbies to distract myself with.

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[-] Rush@thelemmy.club 1 points 2 days ago

22F

[-] victorz@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

I got married at 22. Married for 7 years, then it ended. Now I have a true life partner with two kids, and, I feel in my heart, this is the one.

There's so much time for you to find someone that suits you. You are awesome, and there's someone out there for everyone.

This... This wasn't the one for you. I have doubts he is the one for anyone. Sounds like a forever bachelor to me.

Stay confident. You got this. Time will heal this bump in the road to happiness. Trust me.

[-] Rush@thelemmy.club 2 points 2 days ago

Thank you so much for your kind words❤️ I was literally starting to believe that losing him was the biggest regret of my life because I thought he was the one and that everything was my fault. I've been blaming myself so much, wondering if things would have worked out if I'd done things differently. But reading your comment made me feel a little better and reminded me that there's still so much life ahead of me. I genuinely needed to hear this today. Thank you for giving me a little hope when I was feeling so lost.. I hope you always stay happy:)

[-] victorz@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

I'm glad to hear that, and thank you. 😊 I know I needed to hear this when I was in your situation!

I hope things turn around for you as well. Don't get discouraged if it doesn't happen immediately. Meeting the right person can happen right away (luckily for me, like a week after my divorce), or after a long time! And in the latter case, you can have some fun along the way. 😉

And this is important:

  1. if you struggle to meet someone you think is suitable to be your life partner, please don't reconsider this schmuck that you ended with just now. Do not go crawling back to him.
  2. again, if you struggle to find someone you like, or even who wants to be with you, it doesn't mean you're not someone who is a good person to be with. It just means you're not their type. I meet so many people all the time that are not my type 😂 Like 10% I could consider being friends with. Then out of those, maybe 1% I would consider dating (had I not been in a relationship now, of course). I'm making these numbers up, but to give you an idea. So like, dating and meeting someone is hard. The most important thing is to just be in social contexts and talk. Or dating apps I guess. 😁

This all might be too soon for you to think about right now, moving on and dating other people and stuff, I'm just saying for when you are ready. 🤟 No Rush!

Feel free to hit my DMs if you need to talk or rant or whatever. 😊 I'm here.

this post was submitted on 10 Oct 2026
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