This study examines how this generation of young heterosexual men—who have come of age in the “age of consent”—emotionally experience sex. We thematically analyzed 31 in-depth interviews with men aged 18 to 32 years. The most striking finding is how rarely these men described enjoying sex. Three themes emerged. First, anxiety and vigilance accompanied sexual encounters. Second, there was a moral concern about causing harm to a sexual partner. Third, shame arose not only from accusations by others, but also from self-criticism. The themes overlap substantially, suggesting aspects of a complex, sometimes contradictory experience. The defining feature is an inward turn: a cultural suspicion of men appears to have been internalized by some young men. For these men, the question when navigating consent is often not only “does she want this?” but “am I the kind of man who could get this wrong?” Sex, as one participant put it, is “like you’re trying to defuse a bomb.” These young men have come to approach sex as a hazard to manage rather than a relational experience to share. They attributed this wariness to the cultural climate that surrounds consent.
I think the point is that young men (at least those on the internet!) are feeling like they don't understand the lines anymore. It's a good thing that they're thinking about it! It's a failure for society if we can't help them find a way to navigate it. The conversation around consent has sort of left out how to pursue a successful sexual encounter. We should work on that. It's because we still don't like talking about sex, as a society. I'm glad we're talking about consent more now! But it's only part of the equation.
Maybe the study is shit, but it's a window into at least how some young men are feeling. The kind of young men who are most susceptible to the incel culture. If we can find ways to get men away from that path we should.
Yeah, that might be true.
The study that picks a handful of guys, and concludes that "many men" are like that, normalizing it and showing men as victims of the modern world.
Trying to understand incel culture to fix the problem is one thing, displaying it as something normal and quasi-universal is another.