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this post was submitted on 17 Oct 2026
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How about a wearable poster board print out with a giant red NO stamped on it in faux blood as your costume. You can stay at home or walk the neighborhood, handing out full sized bars.
Want to be a real extra contrarian? Build a "candy stand" made of the print out. Add castor wheels and a loud speaker and flashing lights. Finally, add a button kids can slap that shouts "fffuuullll sssiiizzeedd bbbbbaaarrrrrsssss!!! at max legal volume. Roll it from HOA leader house to HOA leader house as the night carries on.
A mobile candy station? They'd never make it out alive. 😱🤣
Ohh yeah, you better be rolling deep in full sized bars. It better basically be a large pallet of candy pretending to be a candy stand. You will have an army of insane 5-11 year olds slapping the shit out of that button for hours, and you gotta be able to keep the magic going to match maximum obnoxiousness.
You'll have to be a goddamn hero to those children, a being of endless chocolate, to really, really shame whatever adult though this was a reasonable request.
I mean, at that point, you might as well put up a market tent in the drive to cover the patio heater, spiced cake donuts, and pony keg of cider for the parents.* Make it a block (the fuckin' trolls) party!
*if anecdotal evidence is permitted, (no HOA bitches in our area) the next year half a dozen neighbors did the same. 🥳
Roving party village seems like a win win for everyone. Maybe build the whole thing on one of those "bike pedal bars" that are somehow the best and stupidest thing possible:
Likely need a permit for a moving cider hut, though. Better to keep that on-site, IME. 😅