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submitted 3 days ago* (last edited 14 minutes ago) by carin_heron@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone

So, I feel like I'm kind of at a huge disadvantage right now when it comes to being a healthy adult, because my experience with transness and neurodivergence has made it essentially impossible to form normal friendships my entire life.

This isn't to vent or anything, that really is just the reality of the situation, and I'm at terms with that. I don't really know what to do about it though, and I feel like I can't be healthy until I find other trans women who I know just gets it. Thing is, I really don't live somewhere with a ton of trans women around, and I don't know if it is appropriate to just expect ones I meet to be friends with me.

I can't imagine I'm that alone in this dilema -- not that I'm glad about that -- and so ** I'm wondering if anyone has developed any tips that would be of benefit to any of us?**

for those who'd like to know what I've tried so far:

Not that I don't try, but so much of my energy is just spent on being out of the house. So far, I'm finding intentional self-grace to be a genuine benefit if I get used to the vulnerability of it (I'm sure you all know this is no small feat). I haven't really gotten so far as making friends this way, but I have gotten farther than probably any other point of my life.

Oh, I also wonder if this will resonate with anyone: is it weird that I am concerned about whether people are attracted to me just because I'm not used to even believing that is a potential thing to be conscious of in an interaction? I feel kind of gross asking myself that, but I seriously don't know if it would even be irresponsible to not be considerate of that kind of power dynamic.

I want to point out too, I am glad to worry about these things. These are problems that I am more than happy to deal with if it means being genuinely me.

Edit: Thank you all for your answers, it has been very interesting to see how people responded to this question. I want to emphasize here that it was actually my trauma and neurodivergence that I am struggling with the most, which I think is also a more difficult topic to start discussions over due to the uncomfortable and inidividualized nature of those experiences. I see that most people have responded with advice on the practicality of actually going out to meet other trans women, and I think that is also very useful for myself and others who may come across this post.

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[-] LegoBrickOnFire@lemmy.world 20 points 3 days ago

There is a transfem dinner with like a 100 women every month in my city. I go there, talk to people, invariably find train or code nerds. Then end up having a catgirl on my laps purring while my neighbours pet her head.

[-] DaPorkchop_@lemmy.ml 11 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

you in zurich? i assume you are referring to transfem dinner at streiki

if so you should check out uwu-space, the vibe is a lot like tfd but with less eating and more meowing

[-] LegoBrickOnFire@lemmy.world 6 points 3 days ago

I am haha. Thanks for the recommendation mew

[-] craftrabbit@lemmy.zip 5 points 3 days ago

Holy shit how did I not know about either of these???

[-] DaPorkchop_@lemmy.ml 3 points 3 days ago

join usssss :)

i am pretty regularly at both of them so feel free to say hi!

also if you're studying at any uni in zurich you should check out PolyUniQue :)

[-] craftrabbit@lemmy.zip 2 points 3 days ago

I probably will (puq I already knew but still thank uuu :3)

this post was submitted on 21 Oct 2026
43 points (100.0% liked)

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