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Selfhosted
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Hasn't changed much. I have accepted the risk and, for now, the desire to have publicly accessible stuff outweights my lack of desire to deal with the realities of a VPN. I mean, I want to share stuff with others, and I want to be hosting it myself because I have grown to distrust someone else's service... so what else can I do but risk it?
Besides: I expect tailscale or the underlying VPN services to already be a target. I would be surprised if they don't find anything. What then?
If they find anything we fix it, update our services, and move on.
The chances of being hit by a zero-day as a random self-hoster are very small, but anyway if you keep backups and can restore a clean state (and patch your system) you should be good.
The goal is not to have perfect security, it's to mitigate the risks and to handle fallout correctly.