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this post was submitted on 05 Nov 2026
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At a party once, I had to practically fight off a drunk girl. She was belligerent and obnoxious and aggressively trying to have sex with me. It took me and her sister to put her to bed and of course as soon as she lay still for 30 seconds, she was unconscious.
Some men have told me I was crazy to pass up the "opportunity". And some women have told me that I was a "gentleman" for doing so. Which also implies that indulging in a helpless girl would have been acceptable, but I went above and beyond somehow. What I did wasn't noble or heroic. It was basic decency; the least I could do. It's literally a legal requirement.
I don't know why men are so awful sometimes. But I think a big part of the problem is that taking advantage of women is normal and accepted. High profile cases like Brand, Weinstein, Stawell, Tate, and Masterson are good because it pushes sexual ethics into mainstream pop culture. And we need that because too many are ignorant.
The term "rape culture" is often misunderstood, lampooned, etc. but that's a really good distillation of it. SA is not "encouraged" in a legal sense, it's punished, but there is a cultural expectation of men to be uncontrollably sexually aggressive while women are supposed to "defend their virtue".
If men aren't sufficiently sexually assertive, they are often seen as less masculine. This isn't always the case - it can support the conception of masculinity as being chivalrous. But can also be viewed as being more passive, less virile, less strong, etc.
If women are perceived not successfully "defending their virtue", it's seen as a failure on their part except sometimes in extreme cases of sexual violence if seen as being "unprovoked". Hence the "look what she was wearing", "asking for it", etc. etc. tropes. These are often less overt now, which causes people to overlook the extent to which they blame women for being victims of SA.
Rape culture - it's defo a thing and that's it.
I think the points you are making here are ones people miss. The societal perception that women should control sex creates the whole situation. In a way, women are expected to mask their desire for sex everywhere except the bedroom. Sadly, the western world is the progressive group on this. The rules on what women can wear in other countries doubles down on the masking. And we know how well that works for the women...
But have do we move forward on eliminating the source of the issue. I just don't know. The system just treatments the symptoms with laws.
Without details, I'm just back here screaming "Good god, get yourself out of emotionally unsafe situations!" Someone tried to assault you.
Also, sorry that the other person tried to attack you tho. I'm glad that one of you was sane enough at the moment to be like NOPE.
You should probably have a serious talk about the nature and effects of rape with those men. Someone needs to intervene with people like that.