Hegseth: pardon for war crimes, prison, then back to Fox News

Miller: murders his wife after his promotion, gets a pardon, dies in a bunker like his hero instead of surrendering to police

RFK Jr: trades on his family name, takes a deal, a few years in club fed where he dies from raw milk but everyone treats it like a big conspiracy

Vance: tries to leave the party, tries to make a deal, writes a "tell-all", stabbed by a methed up magat for betraying trump while shopping for a new chaise longe

Don Jr: flees the country

Bovino: prison

Patel: represents himself at trial, prison, tries to bribe a guard, more prison, Fox News contract until a sex scandal

Rubio: flees to become viceroy of Venezuela but dies there at the hands of Venezuelan military coup

Big Balls: tries to snitch, gets blamed for all Musk crimes, dies in prison under mysterious circumstances leaving an email confession for impersonating Elon in all matters including the Epstein stuff

Natalie: light prison followed by Fox News but quickly ages out and is replaced