if you can click my profile and read my post from 2 months ago it might make more sense since I really don’t want to write a whole 2 page essay right now but lately I just been feeling less motivated in the relationship and idk what it is. I’m super comfortable but something is off with me…
My boyfriend on FaceTime last night told me that he thinks something is up with me and I kept denying it but he was saying I’m not the same and that I’m not giving like I used to / more affectionate. I eventually told him he’s right and I notice it. I really HATE feeling like this. My boyfriend and I have had many arguments / petty convos which don’t last long typically and we only known each other for like 5 months (since July). He used to be really rude and dismissive in the beginning and super confusing but tbh I got over all that and I basically forgot about everything he did, he’s apologized and felt super bad about it.
There are all Not too long ago but like I got upset after the gym because when I wanted to go into a store quickly he seemed annoyed and was giving me attitude but said he was just like sweating from the gym and needed fresh air, we went inside and then he left and said he will meet me outside and it kind of upset me. He apologized. Another time we were at a cafe and idk what we were upset about at each other but he got frustrated at one point and said “get lost” to me and it hurt me so much and he instantly apologized right after those words came out and I forgave him. I always forgive and I move on. A few days ago I was going down on him and I told him I don’t want to swallow cuz I don’t like it and he told me “ok enough just get off then” and it also upset me and I had to tell him that it was rude for him to realize. But idk if it’s my body not forgetting deep down? Idk. I just feel kind of detached but not fully, I’m trying to attach back. I told him I feel this way last night and he was crushed cuz he said “I just feel and know you’re done with me, I know it” and it hurt me so much. He’s improved ALOT I will admit he has.
We also see each other basically nearly everyday except for when I’m working (he works mornings finishes early). And idk if this is causing it to be worse? I haven’t had time alone either in a while, we hang out a lot, have sex a lot, then go home game and ft to bed. I just feel like my life is a routine. I enjoy it a lot and I love him and hanging out with him but I really don’t know if this is contributing. He noticed I was off because he said I had been a bit ruder to him. After getting everything off my chest last night and I told him that we always have arguments and when we go down, it just stabilizes there. Nothing is done to revive or bring it up and I’m so emotionally burnt out right now. He’s improved and I’ve forgiven and I also have done things to upset him and he forgives me too. His family I have met and he met my family so it all feels better in a sense and I really don’t want to lose any thing I have for him and I’m scared. I can’t imagine my days without him and it hurts me that I feel this weird empty way. Like I love him. I saw him today and had so much fun, somehow when it came to the sex part, which ofc I enjoy, I just felt empty and a bit like I wanted to cry… idk why.
I don’t want anyone else but I want him to do more, even gestures like getting my flowers or surprising me with my favourite coffee or something. I don’t want to tell him this tho. I told him we need things to spark instead of doing the same stuff everyday, he agreed and said he will make me happy and said if I’m still feeling this way then we will see in a week and see what will happen next.
When I saw him today I felt better, he got me a cute coffee cup with chocolate in it but small waves came in but not as much. I’m so stressed.
Counselling is so expensive :( I have jokingly told him we should go to relationship therapy lol. I’ve told him how I’ve felt and I am telling him now too that I think we have sex way too often since we see each other like almost everyday of the week. It’s not as exciting anymore and during this time of me trying to get rid of the resentment and move and grow witn him, I was the relationship to go up again and sex usually (in my past) would be a sad coping mechanism) and it just feels off to do it as much while I’m already feeling garbage like this
I get that. Therapy doesn’t always have a low barrier to entry. It’s still often treated as a luxury. If you meant that “joke” in anyway, actually suggest you want to try it. The 2 of you together can likely put your heads together to do one session. At the very least you could walk away from it with stronger communication tools to help you both in discussing past or future problems. Talking about your concerns regarding your sex life is definitely a good start, and if he’s on board with any needed changes, think about and let him know the kind of things that can help make it feel more intimate/bonding. If you need to, explore new things that can set your current sex life apart from the ways it’s been used to cope in the past. Reframe it to strengthen your attachment/bond.
Do you believe I can get over the resentment? It’s not as strong as it was a few days ago when I was moody to him and such to point he noticed but I want it to go. When he says “we’lll give you a few days or a week and then see how u feel” but does it all just get thag better in one week? It doesn’t make sense and it’s sort of stressing me out more.
Resentment can be worked through, but the majority of that comes from your processing and understanding of it. There’s no real set timeline to it, it could be days, weeks, months, or years. It takes however long it takes for you to uncover and confront the underlying issue upsetting you.