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Shouting at children can be as damaging as physical or sexual abuse, study says
(www.theguardian.com)
this post was submitted on 03 Oct 2023
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Yeah, I think an important thing parents need to do (apart from tearing down their kids for no reason) is differentiate DOING something dumb versus BEING dumb.
A comment my dad made long ago when I was young kinda stuck with me "For a kid who's really smart you sure do some really dumb shit sometimes"
I've tried to phrase things like that to my kids, not "you dumbass why did you do that?" but more along "you're smart enough to know you shouldn't do that, so why did you?"
I don't have a better solution, but “you’re smart enough to know you shouldn’t do that, so why did you?” feels a lot like the "you're smart but you don't apply yourself" I got a lot as a kid that always made me feel inadequate.
I fucked up sometimes, I didn't do it on purpose and asking me why I did it as if I consciously made a decision to be wrong on purpose and wanting an explanation is basically asking me to either lie or say "i don't know" which was never the "right answer."
More about analysing the thinking that led to the situation. In most cases it's things that they know or were told not to do but guy caught up in the moment
Or you could use positive reinforcement instead of belittling your kids. You can explain, why stuff they did was wrong without calling them dumb. They are kids after all, they don't know stuff, have a lot to learn and it is hard for them to completely grasp the consequences of their actions.
And this is belittling then, how?
He didn't call them dumb he called their actions dumb. Wow u missed the entire point of his post.
Just read the other comment strain, where people argue, that exactly this parenting fucked them up. Positive reinforcement is the go to parenting style.