this post was submitted on 23 Jun 2023
422 points (90.7% liked)

Asklemmy

43968 readers
1154 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy πŸ”

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Please don’t ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat a lot.

It doesn't need to be something I can easily find.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] SomeGuyNamedPaul@beehaw.org 34 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Oh wow, a topic for which I'm somewhat of an expert.

Get a box of cornbread mix. Dump it in a bowl. Add milk. Stir and then consume with a spoon. If you want some violence to your shits then mix a considerable amount of crushed red pepper before the milk while it's still a dry powder. The milk will help dull the impact of the CRP as you're eating it but not as it's passing, and passing fast.

With this method you should be able to make a load of poop that floats a bit and will pile up above the water line, significantly increasing the stench you leave in the bathroom.

The amateur enhancement is to also slam down a number of Fibercon tablets, but if you want to amp this up to pro-level defecation then go look in the supplements section for some stuff called "chitosan". It's like ground up shrimp and crustacean shell, and it bonds to fats so instead of being absorbed they pass through you. That plus a bunch of fatty stuff from other suggestions you'll be receiving will take your adventure to the next level. This plus swapping in heavy whipping cream for the cornbread concoction then you'll probably have bowel movements so horrible you'll have to register them with some kind of government agency.

Good luck and may your toilet paper be the good stuff.

[–] bane_killgrind@lemmy.ml 10 points 1 year ago

Oh wow, a topic for which I'm somewhat of an expert.

Yeah this reads as fairly sarcastic, but your advice is extremely specific.

I am thinking you know your shit.

Holy litteral shit.

[–] archomrade@midwest.social 2 points 1 year ago

Question: what kind of absolute hell would I go through if I did all of this after not pooping for 3 days?

Bonus: how bad would this be if I was actively constipated?