So I'm very new to self acceptance on being a woman. Only a week in a half in, but have been contemplating if I were trans for a few months.
My partner is supportive and wonderful but I also know how big of a change this is for her as well. I don't want to move faster than she is comfortable, but also am struggling a lot more with dysphoria since I realized who I am.
I have good days where I explore my femininity and feel a confidence in myself that I've never felt before. It's especially helpful when my wife is right there by my side. Today for example she did my makeup for me. We trimmed my eyebrows, put on foundation and mascara as well as a tinting lip balm. I couldn't stop smiling about how pretty I felt.
Other days I feel more like my old self. Stuck in my shell and shutting down. I didn't realize how dark and depressing my life felt before my acceptance. I feel almost suicidal in those moments because that was generally how I was starting to feel. Just a mountain of shame and guilt over the drastic changes I'm forcing my wife and child to deal with.
I guess I'm wondering how normal it is to feel a shift in my mental image of myself like this? Either I feel like a woman, or something makes me feel like a man and my mood plummets.
Guess I'm just looking for some extra reassurance from others like me. I've only told my therapist and wife and when I'm drowning in guilt, all I want is a hug and reassurance that things will be ok. That I will be ok.
I don't know. This is all so scary sometimes and gives me a pit in my stomach. Do I even have the courage to come out to the world? To risk my life and what I've built with my loved ones to explore this?
Sure, why not? I felt there was some value in having this conversation publicly, in case it happens to benefit anyone lurking (if so, Hi! Congrats on making this far! ❤️), but this is getting increasingly specific and long-winded, so this might be a good time to take it to DMs. I'll shoot you one.
Oh, and no worries about taking time to reply - real life is important, especially when you have adorable responsibilities.
Yeah, for anyone lurking and making it this far, feel free to reach out to me as well if you'd like to connect! I'm happy to make new friends and think we could all use some more support ❤️
And I agree. My son is a very adorable responsibility and I love him more each day. I know I'm biased, but he is probably the best person to have ever existed? 😂
Hey, I don't have any proof to the contrary!