this post was submitted on 28 Jun 2023
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So I retired even earlier last night, about 830. Kitten woke me at 230am by gently patting my forehead with his paw and slightly extended claws. I finally managed to get back to sleep after he mewed and hassled me for about half an hour, but they still got me up before 5am. Spent the morning doing aa stuff, my sponsor is a gem. More emails for my volunteer work this afternoon and was able to share some info which is really going to help someone and I've been getting some delightful replies for help I've given in the past. Having shared lived experience really bonds people.
EDIT: The kitten must have been eating too fast and sounded like he was choking but only puked, I went to see if he was ok and mumma cat came in growled at me and her tail puffed right up. I moved away from the kitten and she got in between us and growled again. She's such a wonderful mumma. She got over it pretty quickly and enjoyed some scritches soon after thankfully.
I re-read this page of the gender "dysphoria" bible, if anyone is interested on what the hell is going with my journey. It's like I get a whole system wide upgrade, there's just so much going on. I've experienced a lot of things in it in surprise so I'm kinda glad I didn't read earlier and know what to expect. Plus the section on adhd really gave me some backup knowlege to what I'd recently thought was happening. It's anecdotal but based on a lot of andecdotes. It's annoying to think I'm still just a guinea pig in this science because we've been marginalised for so long, but at least we're moving in the right direction in Australia. Note: It's not called gender dysphoria anymore, it's called gender incongruence. The term hangs on though but it's not always the trans experience to live in a state of dysphoria despite many of us having some level of it some of the time.
https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/second-puberty-fem
I read the genital part thinking, nice. Might not look the same, but it's working the same. Which I already kind of felt and have experienced. No need to go into more details, but today I feel pretty euphoric. Sorry to be even this graphic if you think that's TMI.
The first chapters of it read like the the story of my life up until now and that chapter I linked reads like the story of my last 4 months. Read this one, this was definitely me and when I read it after the preceding chapters. https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/biochemical-dysphoria
I wish they'd update the nomenclature, dysphoria sounds like a mental illness when what I have is a brain expecting oestrogen. Whatever, thanks so much for taking the time to read it.
There were too many yep, yep, etc I was like that, I am like that to deny it. It opened the floodgates of my memory banks and then mum confirmed a lot of what I couldn't remember about when I was really really young. Brain wired for oestrogen body producing lots of testosterone makes homer something something. I see it all as a blessing honestly. Who else gets a chance to have a 2nd puberty in middle age with the benefit of life experience? I always knew I didn't fit in anywhere and hoped I was some kind of special unique person. I'm not unique, but rare. Lots and lots of similar anecdotes usually mean something.