even for normal people they're not really designed with human joy in mind....but GOD it's miserable trying to start a real thing just from cold texting
i mean look at this what the fuck am i doing. the phrase 'pissing in the wind' comes to mind
this post was submitted on 09 Jan 2024
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And on the other side, I’m a terrible judge of character, so getting bombarded by messages felt like walking into a car dealership- I knew the majority of what I heard was probably dishonesty, but I couldn’t figure out what.
I ended up exclusively looking for keywords instead of charisma, and figured I’d assess a spark in person. Thankfully my husband referenced magic the gathering, banjo, cats, and bondage (he just listed that he was a rigger, no crass jokes or sexualization), so I figured he was either casting a wide net or telling the truth about his interests.
Honestly I'd rather have your problem. I'd rather have any options at all and not knowing how good they are, than literally none. Not really clear what to do when no one even engages with you.
I do understand how you want that. I would prefer not to, though. I’m still lonely, if someone is taking advantage of me, I just don’t know it yet. I also don’t know if people expect others to be as bad as they have been in my experience.
Before I met my husband, I dated people among others who: stole my medication from me and then resold it to me, lied to me about whether they were fit to come to my country (he didn’t tell me he had paranoid schizophrenia before he left his whole support network and came to a country whose language he couldn’t speak and where he could not work), and one who murdered his mom (before we dated, but I found out during).
It took a long time to start dating again after each of those, obviously. I don’t know how I could protect myself more while still dating though. I had friends vet profiles with me and meet people sooner rather than later, but it didn’t help much.
I know how wild that sounds, but honestly I’m a relatively attractive woman with no ability to tell if someone’s trying to trick me. It’s tough, lol. I’m glad I haven’t been trafficked. I’m very excited to be in my early thirties now, because people expect me to be a better judge of character and they’re less likely to try shit. I also come off a little jaded (because I’m not dumb, I just don’t notice if people are lying)- for example, I would never try the autistic dating app, because that’s a gold mine for someone looking to trick their date. I would love to date like that, I just couldn’t trust it.
All that said, men are obviously dangerously lonely, and I understand that it’s a real, serious problem. I’m sorry you’re in that situation, it sounds awful.
(Advice if you want it, though no offense taken if you don’t want it from me 😅) Do you have close female family members (around your age) or friends (male friends’ SOs count)? I second having a woman go through your profile and picture options. Or even the autistic dating app, because not everyone is as suspicious of it as I am and you’re in a less statistically vulnerable position (though if you’re rich, maybe don’t make that clear?).
Yeah I mean I don't envy your experiences. I understand that those things also suck. As a woman, losing a physical confrontation against a man is almost a given if you're not much better trained than him. Which makes a bunch of situations much more dangerous than if you're a man facing a dangerous woman.
I can't perfectly put myself in your shoes, but if I would imagine that women were much stronger than me, I'd still like to take the risk. I'd rather have the chance for good experiences and risk, than no risk but also no good experiences.
As for the advice, thank you. I'm already using most of my trusted female advice options, and I think I have a pretty good profile. But I could definitely do more and get better pictures. But it is very annoying to do so, and I accepted and am mostly fine with being alone. So while I could do more, I have no interest in allocating more effort than I already do. If it is meant to be that I'll be alone the rest of my life, then ok, if I find someone then even better.
Also I had no idea there was an autistic dating app, though I doubt it'll have any users where I live :) I'll try it