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submitted 9 months ago by The_Picard_Maneuver@lemmy.world to c/whitepeopletwitter@sh.itjust.works

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[–] A_Very_Big_Fan@lemmy.world 2 points 9 months ago (1 children)

That's not what gaslighting means

[–] stalfoss@lemm.ee 3 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Gaslighting is a colloquialism, loosely defined as manipulating someone into questioning their own perception of reality.

Sounds like making someone believe they are in the matrix fits this perfectly but I’m no englishmatologist

[–] A_Very_Big_Fan@lemmy.world 5 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

It's about making someone question the validity of their perception of reality. It's emotional abuse, not simply tricking or lying to someone.

When I was a kid, my parents weren't gaslighting me when they convinced me the tooth fairy was real by putting money under my pillow and taking the baby teeth. They weren't making me feel like I couldn't trust my perception of reality, or that my feelings were invalid.

(Real world example): My best friend as a teenager tried convincing me he wasn't trying to seduce my girlfriend at the time. He convinced me that my expressions of discomfort with all the "accidental" touching was me being a prude, and when I told him I thought he had ulterior motives trying to hang out with her alone and swim in his pool so often he convinced me that I was being up-tight. Lo and behold, one day in a drug-fueled stupor he admitted to me that he loved her the whole time. Making me feel like I couldn't trust my own feelings on the matter was gaslighting. Now I have trust issues.

[–] stalfoss@lemm.ee 1 points 9 months ago (1 children)

You’re overthinking this a bit, the whole point of the matrix is that our reality is fake. Making someone believe they are in the matrix is to make them question their perception of reality. Making someone question their perception of reality is gaslighting.

[–] A_Very_Big_Fan@lemmy.world 1 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I know, I've seen The Matrix twice, and you're still using "gaslighting" wrong.

WebMD: "Gaslighting is an emotionally abusive strategy that causes someone to question their feelings, thoughts, and sanity. If someone gaslights you, they’ll attempt to make you question reality. The purpose of gaslighting is to convince you that you can’t trust your thoughts or instincts."

The definition you found is frustrating because it's too vague and easily misinterpretable. If you look at any full explanation you'll see that the "makes them question their perception of reality" in your definition means it like "undermines their perception of reality".

The way you and the other guy used it is like when mentally healthy people say they have "OCD". It's a watered down buzzword version of a term that's actually useful for understanding life issues when you actually understand what it means.