this post was submitted on 11 Mar 2024
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Asklemmy
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Can you give us more context?
"Woman" is almost always preferred because it respects one's personal identity, as opposed to the compulsory status of biological sex, which is often used as a source of belittlement and/or bigotry against women. (and carries a whole plethora of baggage when people decide they get to judge someone's female-ness)
But it doesn't mean that you shouldn't generally be able to use the term "female" without causing social friction, if you have a good amount of social grace.
(its actually quite normal in fantasy/scifi circles, for example)
I think you may be asking the wrong question- you may want to explain what you were talking about and ask what specific phrases or situations might have unsettled people.
Maybe it was just a weirdly specific English faux pas, or maybe you have a friend who is a little extra sensitive after bad experiences and who could use your support. Maybe its a total miscommunication- who knows?
I mean I'm not exactly offended by it, but if someone uses it that's a "note to self, this person is most likely misogynist" moment for sure.
Yeah, its a red flag.
They indicate potential problems, which is why you look for multiple, but even one obvious one is enough to make you a bit cautious, it makes sense.
But if its someone I know, and who isn't a native English speaker and is pretty chill, I'm probably going to let it slide for a couple uses, then gently ask them why they're using a certain term in a nice pause in the conversation.
I'm lucky to have had friends from lots of other places, but it can make things so awkward with corrections, even if it has to be done.
But people can absolutely wind up learning horrendously out of date language without meaning any malice. I've seen it happen because of confusion regarding the existence of the NAACP, and the use of the term, "People of Color."
The way OP is talking makes it sound like he could likely talk it out with the other people, and I think that may be the best option. (though I can understand why they may want some insight from the internet first)
I think you're right.
I used to teach first year undergraduates and the first time they heard the American term "people of colour" invariably led to a lot of confusion and offence because many of them (especially PoC themselves) initially thought it was insulting.