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It might be worth mentioning which xmpp implementation you are actually using for your server if you expect anyone to help you. Also in general, more details about your hosting setup, how you installed it, did you follow any tutorial or use any particular installer (e.g. Helm chart on Kubernetes), possibly if you made any changes to the config,...
I just followed this tutorial. I use my computer as a server. Sorry if I'm not telling you something, I'm just a newbie and don't know what information might be useful.