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Daily discussion thread: 🦈 Monday, May 13, 2024 (aussie.zone)

submitted 5 months ago by Seagoon_@aussie.zone to c/melbourne@aussie.zone

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[–] tone212_@aussie.zone 12 points 5 months ago (4 children)

Took a pretty heavy call from a friend this afternoon that is going through a rough time. She had an altercation with some friends in our group which I think set her off into a spiral. I had no idea about any of this. It takes a lot of courage to reach out to someone.

I used to get affected by the same friends too, but then learned to stop putting disappointing people on a pedestal, thinking they do the same, and rely on them for emotional support and wellbeing which was always one way. I made some new friends. I discovered that healthy adult friendships actually exist and instead of being upset about certain behaviours from those people, I learned to pity that behaviour. I hope she learns this too.

[–] Gibsonisafluffybutt@aussie.zone 9 points 5 months ago

I'm learning that lesson myself. It's tough, but good to know there's light at the end of the tunnel.

[–] Seagoon_@aussie.zone 8 points 5 months ago

so many many hugs

it was a very sad day for me when I realised my family of origin would never be a support . I went non contact because of abuse, and my husband's family? I will do nothing for them anymore other than grunt oh noes when they tell sad tales. I am lucky to have a few people in my life I can rely on and I think that's what it's like. In life we only get a few people.

[–] just_kitten@aussie.zone 6 points 5 months ago

I used to get affected by the same friends too, but then learned to stop putting disappointing people on a pedestal, thinking they do the same, and rely on them for emotional support and wellbeing which was always one way.

Big hugs. Relate to that so very painfully. I still feel pangs of sadness over the loss of an entire friend circle over covid; I shared lots of values and experiences with them and we had lots of great times, but I could've kicked myself for being so reliant on them for that support/wellbeing when it turns out that they were supremely unwilling/unable to show up in the ways that mattered most when the chips were down.

It was impossible to have an honest conversation because they would beat themselves up in a show of contrition and shame but not actually acknowledge any issues and work on them (or anticipate them better). I know a lot of that is a trauma response from them but after a certain point it just wasn't healthy to be around any more and I couldn't handle continuing to be the only one willing to forgive and accommodate.

I'm still in the phase of not really having made any new friends on that level, though I certainly have strengthened my friendship with a couple of other rock-solid people in my life and it's made me so much more grateful for them.

[–] melbaboutown@aussie.zone 3 points 5 months ago

Hard relate. I’ve learned to try and be happy in my own company rather than deal with that, but humans are a social animal and those behaviours are so pervasive