Thank you Nome @NomedaBarbarian
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@NomedaBarbarian on Twitter:
Thinking about how I've been lied to as an #ADHD person about what habits are.
That apparently is not what neurotypical folks get to experience.
Habits are things that they do without thinking.
They don't have to decide to do them. They don't have to remember to do them. Things just happen, automatically, because they've done them enough for that system to engage and make them automatic.
That system...which I lack.
Every single time I have brushed my teeth, it's been an active choice. I've had to devote thought and attention to it. It's not a routine, it's not a habit, it's something that I know is good to do, and hopefully I can remember to do it.
Every single time I exercise, or floss, or pay my rent, or drink water, or say "bless you" when someone sneezes,
It's because I've had to actively and consciously engage the protocol.
It never gets easier.
Just more familiar.
It's part of my struggle with my weight--exercise never becomes a habit, and every single time I do it, it is exactly as hard as the first time. It takes exactly as much willpower & thought.
I got lied to about how it would just "turn into a habit". And blamed, when it didn't.
Drinking water isn't a habit. Feeding myself isn't a habit. Bathing isn't a habit.
I spend so much more energy, so much more time, so much more labor on just managing to maintain my fucking meat suit.
And now you want me to ALSO do taxes?
ON TIME?
Dude we need some legit study or science on this because if so this blows my brain. I'm a huge proponent of Seinfeld chains, and books on habit science, improving yourself. I have several apps but I'M CONSTANTLY struggling to do these systems. Like it feels impossible.
I have quit nail biting, I've done a month of meditation. I can concentrate intently on one thing for a period of time but then I context switch and because I'm not actively everyday using a checklist to remember what I have to do I don't do it.
I have cavities right now because I focused on something else I needed to do regularly and let my teeth go.
My friends and family make fun of me for constantly changing interests and habits and that I can't stick with one thing. Maybe!!! They aren't the same way because it's EASIER for them to be in automatic mode to do the same thing.
This is really mind fucking me right now.
I found a little bit. I found some papers and articles saying the striatum is different in both autistic and ADHD people. And I also found that the striatum is thought to be the part of the brain responsible for habit formation.
I didn't keep a list of links but if you search up those topics you'll see for yourself.
I love (/s) how I can develop a very good routine and then a month later I just kind of...forget? Like it's gone. Even with fun stuff. I played this online card game every day for a month and a few months later I saw the link on my computer and I was in shock. I had forgotten all about it.