Meeh, don't worry about being late on the first day, can happen to anyone. In fact, I was always late fir classes, lol 😂. Good thing I did state competitions in high school, so everyone was lenient on me. Uni wasn't as easy regarding the late thing, but once I got to know a few people that were always on time, I decided to hang out with them, cuz... you can't be late if you hang out with the ones that are always on time, lol 😂.

My point is, don't beat yourself up over it, it can happen to anyone.

So basically from that point on, I was a dissappointment to her. Every week she reminds me how I wasted her money.

This is... not OK IMO... especially since she knows you've got a condition. Hey, it's only money... money comes, money goes. Sure, they are a necessity for living, but... hey, shit happens. I've probably burned like 30k in my life for people that didn't make it in the end (radiation therapy, cancer), but shit happened... that's why they're called savings, you save for... whatever, whether it be good or bad.

I think you should maybe move in with a relative or somethig, maybe your dad... or maybe like get a gf, move in together. This just seems like a really toxic environment to be in. I can relate up to a point, cuz my dad used to be somewhat toxic (he's deceised), but not to that level. He'd usually give me shit about the music I liked or how I dressed (he wasn't even a boomer, early boomer at best, he was born 1939... I think). Still, if he was the only parrent I had left, I would have probably moved out.

Anyways, I know people love to leave their parents as soon as they can.

Meeh, depends on the pareents if you ask me. My mom was pretty OK, so I didn't move till I was getting married.

But you never know if you are actually capable of doing it until you try. I couldn't even do it with all my expenses paid by my parents, I definitely wouldn't be able to if I had to fund myself. The future just seems so bleak to me. Like I can't even function as a human being.

That's your depression and anxiety speaking. Sure you can, everyone can, it's not that hard. You just rob a few convenient stores and you have anough money for the month, lol 😂.

Seriously though, it is hard, but we have to do it. Go to a therapist, get a second opinion, cuz your current prescription might not be good for you... you may need dosage adjusting and/or adding/removing something from the mix. After that, try and find a job, something you think you might like doing, so it wouldn't be a drag to actually go to work and do your job. Do a bit if that, save up some money, do a bit of soul searching in the meantime, whether you really like studing computer science or not... just really dig into it, but let things settle down, don't do this or that impulsevely. Than, after a year or two, make a general plan of what you would like your life to look like and just follow it 🤷. There will be ups and downs, no doubt there, but every time you take a punch, get up and move on. Learning how to lose is the biggest lesson in life you can learn 😉.

Sorry for the wall of text... wait, did I just write an essay of my life story? Ahh... I wish I had this motivation when I was still in college.

No worries man, any time 😉 👍. PM if you feel like talking 😉.