Confession: I didn't get around to watching The Bear last night, and I didn't get out of bed when I meant to this morning to walk across the suburb for a coffee ๐ I lolled around in bed reading about "pretendians" in Canada until I truly felt sick in the head from hunger/dehydration.
But! I have had a good day nevertheless.
Still had a coffee, then did the grocery shop, and cooked a heap of food, some for the freezer. I'm onto a new bag of basmati rice that is banging - real game changer, worth paying the extra $1/kilo, my hoppin' John/pilao dish came out beautifully. I also teed up a couple of easy social events for the next two weekends which is great.
This is banal but I'm also proud of myself going to Officeworks to get two monitors and a dock on the very last day of the FY (couldn't spare the cash until I got paid). It's an oblique act of self care: a gift to myself to be able to WFH properly when needed, so I can manage my time and energy when I can't handle people or early starts.
It was a lot of money (why are docks so fucking expensive) and i felt uncomfortable and could've just procrastinated on it even further; part of me wishes I bought everything second hand, like nearly everything in my house, or researched better brands... But I've accepted that right now it's better to get something good enough and move forward, rather than insist on perfection and waste time and energy in limbo for too long. Like how it took me 2 years to get a second hand vacuum cleaner at the cost of a clean house and my sanity. Action is important. I'm glad I managed to be an adult for myself and get this done.
The biggest accomplishment for today was...
journaling!
I also sat down at the cafe and the library and had a few uninterrupted hours of journalling after a long, long time. Last weekend I cleaned my house; this weekend was about tidying up my mind a bit. I wrote down the things that are and aren't working for me with my living situation, jobs, finances, etc.
It was so important to acknowledge both, and work out how to maintain the good, while also acting on or reframing the things I'm not liking. Getting the wfh setup was part of that. Taking back some agency, and not developing resentment against something I acknowledge I do actually have some control over. Worked out when I can afford to drop my hours and how to stay financially comfortable enough. It does mean negotiating a higher salary at my three month review...
It was a really welcome moment of evaluation because I really want to head into this last bit of study with a clearer intention and not fall into old, bad habits of WHEEE and then self-hate. Wanted to be aware of my unmet needs this time, so I don't try and pile all my expectations on my new activity and then inevitably get disappointed/burnt out. I want to pace myself, seek balance, and still do some great stuff BECAUSE of moderation, not by pushing myself insanely.
I'm just watching a bit of The Bear now which is timely because Carmy is a great reminder of who I'd be if I didn't wise up. And then bedtime so I can wake up recharged and ready tomorrow.