this post was submitted on 25 Jul 2024
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[–] giantfloppycock@lemm.ee 76 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] The_Che_Banana@beehaw.org 16 points 4 months ago

I hope the sauce burned your Giant Floppy Cock and you had to deal with burnt, loose skin lile the roof of your mouth....but on your Fían Floppy Cock

[–] Ghyste@sh.itjust.works 66 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (3 children)

The garlic butter container slid across the pizza while the cheese was still liquid.

Or the person pushed it through and took the picture.

Or there was a massive air bubble.

[–] remotelove@lemmy.ca 103 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Or someone slapped their cock on it.

[–] Ghyste@sh.itjust.works 21 points 4 months ago (2 children)
[–] remotelove@lemmy.ca 17 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] dejected_warp_core@lemmy.world 6 points 4 months ago

Username checks out.

[–] nexussapphire@lemm.ee 9 points 4 months ago

We've all been there. Fuckin a pizza, slamming your dick in the toilet seat, getting it stuck in a toaster. Boys will be boys!

[–] czech@lemm.ee 20 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Look for the guy with a burnt cock.

[–] variants@possumpat.io 10 points 4 months ago

after doing this multiple times you build up a resilience

[–] occhionaut@lemmy.world 4 points 4 months ago

no no no, mandatory taste tests to see if the cheese can be detected

[–] saigot@lemmy.ca 19 points 4 months ago (3 children)

I don't think so, the way the displaced cheese is thicker by the presumptive tip means that at best someone slid their cock on it!

[–] remotelove@lemmy.ca 7 points 4 months ago

This is the root cause analysis we live for.

[–] GreyEyedGhost@lemmy.ca 4 points 4 months ago

I'm trying to imagine putting my dick in cheese that is hot enough to be moved around to that degree, and I don't think it would be very comfortable.

[–] janet_catcus@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 4 months ago
[–] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 11 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Get the fuck out of here with your logic

[–] Ghyste@sh.itjust.works 14 points 4 months ago

I'm a blast at parties, let me tell you.

[–] TankovayaDiviziya@lemmy.world 4 points 4 months ago

My scientific brain would think those other possibilities.

Or someone slapped their cock onto the pizza.

[–] norimee@lemmy.world 45 points 4 months ago
[–] bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de 41 points 4 months ago (1 children)

That "pizza" explains why Americans call it pie.

[–] TimeNaan@lemmy.world 22 points 4 months ago (2 children)

You people eat this mess and call it pizza?

It looks fucking diseased.

[–] disguy_ovahea@lemmy.world 23 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Fuck no.

Sincerely,

New York

[–] NegativeInf@lemmy.world 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Papa John's tastes like despair and has the consistency of moldy cardboard.

With all due respect,

Texas

[–] bitwolf@lemmy.one 3 points 4 months ago

Thank heavens for Home Slice.

New York raised, living in Texas

[–] KingThrillgore@lemmy.ml 12 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

Definitely not Papa John's. It is the loosest definition of pizza. Below even Chicago Deep Dish.


My favorite Papa John's memory (because if you're an American, you've been forced to eat this slop at some point) is we had an On Call shift for NCAA events (I worked at a sports site) so they ordered us pizzas, donuts, salads, the spread since we'd be there until 3am. This was three days after Papa John himself had to resign for saying gamer words. His face, prominently featured on all the boxes, had been replaced by a "Now Hiring" sticker in an inconsistent manner, which led me to believe the employees at the kitchen had some feelings about the guy...

[–] dejected_warp_core@lemmy.world 11 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Below even Chicago Deep Dish.

Which we all know is actually a casserole.

[–] NegativeInf@lemmy.world 9 points 4 months ago

Tomato soup in a bread bowl.

[–] TimeNaan@lemmy.world 7 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (6 children)

I live in poland and Papa Johns has recently opened a few restaurants here but nobody wants to eat this hyperprocessed trash when the local joints (some run by Italians) are so much better for the same price.

Even local corporate pizza franchises are way ahead of any american ones like Papa Johns, Domino's or Pizza Hut in quality.

I guess americans just can't make good pizza.

[–] cm0002@lemmy.world 11 points 4 months ago

I guess americans just can't make good pizza.

No, giant American corporations cant make good pizza, I can assure you we've got plenty of local joints all over that can rival yours

[–] KingThrillgore@lemmy.ml 6 points 4 months ago

I've had lots of good pizza in the US, almost exclusively from independent places that serve NY Slice/Detroit/Neapolitan, and only one from a chain that's even close to decent: Blaze Pizza, which goes for a neapolitan-style in a fast casual setting. That's about it.

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[–] sweetpotato@lemmy.ml 24 points 4 months ago (1 children)

For all I know, you taking the pic could've done it

[–] shasta@lemm.ee 7 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Taking a pic doesn't affect the subject that much!

[–] scarilog@lemmy.world 12 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Quantum mechanics would like a word

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[–] niktemadur@lemmy.world 18 points 4 months ago (1 children)

If this goes viral, I remember that racist, fanatical republican arschloch who used to do the commercials and realize I would probably not cry if his Papajohn stonk tanks.

[–] androogee@midwest.social 12 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

~~IIRC, that dude got fired for asking a PR rep "why can't I say n----r?" in a call that got leaked.~~

//edited for specific details because it's way funnier

So he had been publically pushing against the NFL protests like a racist, and people didn't like it. The company hired a PR firm to help, and in a conference call with them he was whining about wokism or whatever and defended himself by claiming that, "Colonel Sanders called blacks n----rs." The call audio was promptly leaked

He resigned. Three days later the Papa John's cancelled the lease on his office and had him evicted lmfao. Within two weeks they implemented a policy that if John ever tries to buy more stock, all other stockholders can buy stock at half off to prevent him from ever controlling the company. Dude got fuckin razzmatazzed by his own pizza corporation.

Their pizza is still overpriced, dry, and bland tho.

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[–] superkret@feddit.org 14 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Why is there a slice missing already?

[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 5 points 4 months ago

Needed energy to snap a photo.

[–] KingThrillgore@lemmy.ml 5 points 4 months ago

Because someone put their dick in the pizza to make a funny

[–] Midnitte@beehaw.org 3 points 4 months ago

How else is he supposed to power that powerhouse?

[–] Cataphract@lemmy.ml 14 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

ok, gonna have to school some peeps with some pizza knowledge today.

First off, this is a thin crust. Dough comes to the store pre-made with perforations, you might get one small bubble in a thousand pizzas. So, not a bubble issue. (sorry @Ghyste@sh.itjust.works)

2nd, the pizza was cut previously from the incident as indicated by the cut marks of the classic "8 slice-large". These cuts have been covered where the cheese has been squashed from the smushing After cutting. (sorry @anothercatgirl@lemmy.blahaj.zone) Also, the ovens are designed to only allow a particular height through, bottles on top of a pizza wouldn't even make it in and the smell would be atrocious.

C, the standard thin crust from PJ's comes only with special seasoning (a small paper packet of seasoning) and some pepperoncini peppers, it does not contain the round garlic sauce containers. If it had, the marks would start round and end round. (sorry again @Ghyste@sh.itjust.works)

Two likely culprits in my book, one would be the oven attendants personal bottle. On busy days you have seconds to cut, package, and add all the sides (wings are the worse with extra sauce on them and extra side sauce you always run out of). Damaging a pizza can be a daily occurrence. Lastly, probably a sauce bottle itself. There are several of such size and design for the garlic Parmesan, buffalo, bbq, etc. Whole container full of bottles you usually hand off to someone helping you catch up and probably dropped it into the open box after cutting and before putting on the heating rack.

The reality, this was probably a bad pizza set off to the side on the heat rack. There are no sides present and typically you'll see a wet residue from the peppers once they're placed in the box (you don't put sides in a bad pizza/one being remade). The slice stolen was probably a co-worker grabbing a slice during working hours and another co-worker took the rest home. Probably thought it was funny and snapped a photo for the sharing feels.

edit: changed cooling rack to heating rack, I will now perform Seppuku with my pizza cutter for my disgrace.

[–] Eww@lemmy.world 8 points 4 months ago

When you realize it was a Take 'N' Bake.

[–] Dippy@beehaw.org 7 points 4 months ago

I've never seen a papa johns pizza this appetizing before

[–] anothercatgirl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 4 months ago

Looks like a scoop or a bottle got buried in the topping before they put it in the oven and they didn't realize until after the oven so theyjust picked it out and put it in the box lazily. Could he burnt plastic be careful.

[–] sadbehr 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] Mothra@mander.xyz 5 points 4 months ago

The sausage is missing, don't you see?

[–] Coreidan@lemmy.world 5 points 4 months ago (2 children)
[–] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 10 points 4 months ago

Your mother doesn't mind

[–] Duamerthrax@lemmy.world 6 points 4 months ago

Have you seen Papa John?

[–] Bluefalcon@discuss.tchncs.de 4 points 4 months ago

The papa special with extra large meat.

[–] BilboTBaggin@lemmy.world 2 points 4 months ago

Must be papa's John

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