Asklemmy

Can't believe lemmy already has volume enough for this level of shitposting 🥲

Lemmy's first inside joke, I'm so proud

Edit: Link for the uninitiated

We did it boys! New low-effort meta shitpost any% world record!!!

Oh wow, a topic for which I'm somewhat of an expert.

Get a box of cornbread mix. Dump it in a bowl. Add milk. Stir and then consume with a spoon. If you want some violence to your shits then mix a considerable amount of crushed red pepper before the milk while it's still a dry powder. The milk will help dull the impact of the CRP as you're eating it but not as it's passing, and passing fast.

With this method you should be able to make a load of poop that floats a bit and will pile up above the water line, significantly increasing the stench you leave in the bathroom.

The amateur enhancement is to also slam down a number of Fibercon tablets, but if you want to amp this up to pro-level defecation then go look in the supplements section for some stuff called "chitosan". It's like ground up shrimp and crustacean shell, and it bonds to fats so instead of being absorbed they pass through you. That plus a bunch of fatty stuff from other suggestions you'll be receiving will take your adventure to the next level. This plus swapping in heavy whipping cream for the cornbread concoction then you'll probably have bowel movements so horrible you'll have to register them with some kind of government agency.

Good luck and may your toilet paper be the good stuff.

Is this the first lemmy meme? Send this shit to archive.org

This is the high quality content I come here for.

And a new lemmy/kbin specific meme is born. O glorious day!

Stage 1:

• 3 bunches of bananas, 2 lbs cooked rice, 1 loaf of white bread (toasted)

Stage 2:

• 1 gallon of liquid laxative
• 1 gallon of franks red hot
• a 3 gallon bucket
• a ladle

consume stage 1 & wait 3 hours. consume stage 2. repeat as necessary

Mmh i like opposite posting

I have a good option here: Dairy.

Basically, your body can only produce so much Lactase (the thing that breaks down Lactose) at a time. Lactose intolerant people barely produce any Lactase, which is why eating a tiny bit of cheese is OK for them, but they'll explosively shit themselves if they have a glass of milk.

Anyways, you have a lactase limit, time to find it. An added bonus of this strategy is that your options are a bit more varied: You can load up on cheeses, milkshakes, cream puffs, cheesecake. Regular old milk has the most lactose though, so if you want to shit yourself plentifully and violently, bring a ton of that (and whatever other foods you want, the milk will do the work here). Just don't try and chug a whole gallon of milk in under 20 minutes, you'll vomit because it will dilute your stomach acid until instead of digesting it, it'll curdle in your stomach.

Google colonoscopy prep

Literal shit posting.

Habanero protein shakes with extra coconut oil.

So uhh, step one: get cholera (it lives on shellfish, and plankton do with this what you will, lick some shells or something)
Step two: ingest cholera
Step three: try not to die

I was here for the first lemmy meme

Eff it, commenting to show I was here

Epic tier shitpost. Thanks for posting for the de-fedded instances that can't see @mizu@lemmy.world 's post.

Not said yet but just some salt dissolved in water. I remember not pooping for a week coming out of a hospital stay that had me on morphine. Tried the stool softeners and such. But lemme tell you. An 8oz glass of warm water with a teaspoon of salt and 30 minutes later it was go time. When I say go time I mean be ready, when it hits there will be no delaying it.

I was here

I too had to go on a trip with people I hate

Lemmy Lore

To the best of my understanding what you need to do is go to Ryan's steakhouse or try Haribo sugarless gummy bears

Edit: formatting

Golf clap

Lol nice. The answer is milkshakes and spicy chilli dogs

You're gonna need a bigger knife

Literal shitpost

Commenting to show that I was here for the first Lemmy moment.

Today is a good day.

Have you heard of the establishment known as Taco Bell? It should check all of your boxes.

Taco Bell. Let the toilet know you'll be back amigo.

coffee, cigarettes, and a third stimulant.

You need nuts/seeds. Peanuts, sunflower seeds, almonds, walnuts, pistachios. Any high fiber nut and seed will do. If you can get it in bulk, the better. Like 10lbs should last you for well beyond 10 days. But if you need to shit your brains out, well, uh. There it is.