At least you don't have to explain roaches to the cops.
this post was submitted on 19 Dec 2024
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I love these! My favorite one is, “if you were forced to shove a whole pineapple up your ass, as a matter of life and death, would you insert it top or bottom first?”
Keep in mind, you’ll need to get it back out once it’s in.
Bottom first. The leaves would serve as a flared end and a handle. You’d want it to be ripe-ish I imagine. Ripe enough to have a little give, but not ripe enough that the leaves come out too easily.
Pineapples also come in different sizes, I’ve seen some homegrown ones posted on Lemmy that seem…manageable.
Just keep in mind that the hard, pointed spikes on the outside face up, so you’ll be pulling it out against them.
If you do top first you get the harder part over with, and then have plenty of blood to lubricate the way out.
It’s a horrific image but it’s the right way to go. You’ll simply never, under any circumstances, make it work the other way.
I mean it won’t work either way but if you don’t fucking die by the end of it at least you could theoretically get patched up.
The human anus can stretch up to 7 in. (18 cm.) before taking damage.
The average pineapple is 6 in. (15 cm.) in diameter.
You got this.
Without training? :o
Just taaaaaap it in, just give it a little tappy. Tap tap taparoo. You got this.
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Phrasing it like that means death is still a choice.
Keep in mind, you’ll need to get it back out once it’s in.
Why's that?
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The roaches. At least you know their true nature, not surprising to find them there and, in days of high frustration, one can go up and stomp a few for that crunchy sound of bug demise.
Look at this guy, he doesn't comprehend the true nature of man or like human crunch.
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No way, you won't be able to get the roaches out nearly as easy as the person
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Sounds like you've never had the misfortune of being somewhere with a roach infestation.
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Only a hard choice if you've never dealt with roaches. 1000 roaches is enough to convince me that the house would never be free of them ever, roaches are incredible in the way they survive and thrive. Unless you made sure you killed every single last one and their offspring, you ain't getting rid of them.
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You can kill one person. You can’t kill 1000 roaches.
a person, I only have to exterminate one large thing vs 1000 tiny things that could potentially crawl up my pee hole in my sleep.
no thanks.
How wide is your urethra that a roach can fit up there?
doesn't matter, they love warm moist dark cracks.
that's why they're called cockroaches
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person, though a much more difficult encounter it'd probably cost nothing to get them out of there, and the likehood of them coming back is much lower. all it'd take for the roaches to come back is the exterminator missing 2 or 4 of them
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You can solve both problems by throwing 5 bug bombs in there
It's my understanding that gel works better, that bug bombs just make them scatter to other units if you live in an apartment building.
It's hard to apply the gel as they may fight back, but gassing them is a better bet, unless they have a gasmask. But in that case I guess they may also have a knife, so the gel is still a nogo.
Jesus you folks must have wild roaches in Denmark. Sounds like "don't go out at night" or "make sure your gun is loaded before entering the woods" kind of thing. Stay safe.
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Unless the person is there to kill me they win easily
Call police they leave issue solved.
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A few hundred dollars will take care of the roach problem
The human is the biggest wild card situation yet and you're immediately going into fight or flight no matter what
A person, unless the way I found out is they're trying to murder me and/or my family.
Um person, absolutely no question.
At least I might be able to reason with them and offer food and comfort. Roaches are just like "hey there, see you in your ventilation system!".
as someone that has a person living in their attic ... FOR FREE, RUPERT ... I would say neither.
Person. Charge retroactively for rent
A dead person, preferably - although it would be a little surprising for me as I live in a new-build.
On second thought, using that caveat 1000 dead roaches would be better.
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A person. It's your property and you can have the police come and evict them. Very easy to do.
Roaches on the other hand...
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A person because if they've been living in my attic then they must be harmless. Still calling the cops though.
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Person, easy
If I hadn't noticed them before now, then they're a spectacular neighbor
Person, easily. 1k roaches means i'm bound to find another 1k all around the house on the following weeks.
1000 persons.
But what would happen to the person if they're not in my attic? I wouldn't want them to get run over by a trolley.
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