Ask Lemmy

Not at all. Trying to exist in the modern world is exhausting.

The world now is an attention economy. What you have of value that everyone wants is for you to see just one more thing. Click just one more link. Smash just one more like and subscribe button. Respond to a text immediately, otherwise you might be dead. All of these things exist in a space where they assume the world is only you and them in that moment.

It's really important that people start to learn how to unplug. Even just for an hour or two a day, exist in the world where you control the stimulus. You can go for a walk and leave your phone at home. Or turn it off.

Also consider seeing your phone to greyscale during certain times of the day. It helps as well.

I hear you. I love playing Call of Duty. I don't care, judge me all you want, but I am addicted to it. I realize that I am an addict and have to treat it that way.

Some people can go to a bar and have 2-3 drinks and go home. I am not that person. I can't have 2-3 drinks. I have 2-3 drinks and my lizard brain takes over and I have 12 drinks. So, what I do is not have one. I don't have one drink and it's easier not to have 12. That will forever be my burden. Some people just can't drink. It may be the same for you and escapism.

I don't play COD for a week, because it's interfering with important things. I recently deleted Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook from my phone, because I didn't like how much time I spent on it. I've leaned into my hobbies that I deem constructive and important to me like playing guitar and building a home recording studio. The more time I spend being productive and not escaping, the more comfortable I feel in an uncomfortable place.

And it feels impossible to escape it since I’m too weak to overcome all these external things that are designed against me.

Nope. Not true. It will be uncomfortable while you detox, but you can do it. Your attention is a commodity. You can give it away for free, or you can invest it in yourself. I also suggest you try meditation. Read this book, it changed my life: "Being Peace" by Thich Nhat Hahn

Keep one thing in mind: The male brain isn't fully developed until age ~25. Speaking only for myself, I experienced real changes when this happened--one of which was deciding to focus on things I wanted to focus on or improve while tuning out stuff I deemed unimportant.

This may or may not be your experience, but I thought I'd share mine with you. Hang in there.

I hear you 100%!

I'm 43 now, so for about half my life we didn't have constant distraction in our pockets. I'm also ADHD, so I completely understand pulling out the phone to send a text and ending up on Social Media for an hour and STILL never sent the text.

Society nowadays reminds me of the world Aldous Huxley envisioned in Brave New World, where we're so bombarded with different methods of distraction that we end up like consumerist robots and are desensitised to the world around us.

It seems to me that the world is designed to put us down instead of lifting us up. And it feels impossible to escape it since I’m too weak to overcome all these external things that are designed against me.

You're not too weak and they're not designed against you, they are against all of us.

It’s so hard to get out and live a life outside off these temptations cause they’re everywhere and give you this easy and fast pleasure that’s craved by our simple primate brains.

They're hard but you may realize you're stronger than you think the moment you decide to focus your attention on one single thing at a time. Aka start small. Focus on one single thing and work on it to make it better. I had many addictions a few years ago and some were real, real bad. I did not fight them all at once. I picked one, allowing myself to ignore the others and whatever issues they were causing, and moved to another only after I fixed the first one.

How much could this be a personal issue and how much could it be societal related?

Can they be separated? I mean no one exists as a person in a vacuum. We're social beings living among our peers.

So I'll start by saying I may just be wired differently. I have friends who struggle with severe ADHD and chronic depression, and I can confidently say I have neither.

There is definitely some component desire or temptation inherent to humanity. Every religion I can think of has at least sone sect that focuses on this. You could look at the snake tempting Eve in the garden of Eden or ascetic Buddhist monks that deny themselves the pleasures of the flesh. Often this is as much about people in power trying to control others as it is about anything else- a well-documented recent example would be the way the Islamic State used sexual denial to make their recruits more violent and less rational, using an afterlife of sexual reward as an incentive. It does not have to be religious, but when you dive into the history of most groups advocating for self-deprevation theres usually a strong religious component. Mormons don't drink, Jews have Kosher restrictions, Muslims have Halal restrictions, and smaller groups like the Millerites, Jehovah's Witnesses, Christian Scientists, 7th Day Adventists (like Kellog), etc. Heck, Alcoholics Anonymous was founded with absolutely zero science or academia- it's a 12 step program because Jesus has 12 apostles. And studies on its efficacy have had... Let's say mixed results. You also see groups advocating for moderation and balance, although I'm struggling to think of many examples at the moment.

On a personal note I have two approaches that have helped me. The first is to get in the habit of considering as much information as you reasonably can for your decision making. This is easier said than done, and decision-making fatigue is a very real thing. I'm an accountant, so for me it's about fully understanding the transactions I make. If I want to grab a beer, I'm thinking about not just how it will taste and make me feel in that moment, but how much it cost me to buy and how I'm going to feel the next day- my sleep will be worse, I will have consumed more calories and carbs so I'll be in worse shape, my eyes will probably be tired, my joints will be inflamed (look forward to aging lol). Plus opportunity costs- I have my own boundaries and rules that I follow for drinking (no driving, power tools, ladders, working, etc).

And it's not just drinking. If I get an ad for some neat gadget or doodad that I'm interested in, I'll start to think about how many hours of work it takes to earn the money to buy it. Where is that item going to live in my house? Does it need charged, and where is the charger going to live? How long is this going to last?

Which brings me to my second piece of advice: set yourself up for success. Proper sleep and nutrition are really important for fighting decision fatigue. That's why it's often a good idea to "sleep on it" before making decisions. Post-nut clarity is a bit of a meme but also has some validity. Don't go grocery shopping on an empty stomach. If you're freshly trying to stop or cut back on something like alcohol, drugs, or playing a videogame, maybe you need to take a break from hanging out with friends who are doing that. Or ask them to do something else instead. Block ads or stop going to websites that are bad about that.

And also recognize that's it's okay to not be perfect. If you focus on the same of failure that can often lead to just a downward spiral. Moderation is often a lot healthier than cutting things out entirely. Just taking the time to think about your decisions is huge. Impulse buying and eating a chocolate bar when you're on a diet or a budget is bad, but planning ahead and saying "this Friday I'm going to treat myself to this nice chocolate bar as a bit of a break, a bit of a reward" can be fine. It depends on who you are and what you're dealing with: that may not be fine if you're 600lbs.

I grew up without these things and I am so glad I did not grow up later and one reason is this. Life when I was a kid was boring. The library and books were my go to place for enjoyment. There was broadcast tv but only some things were on at some times and you would need to have a tv available to watch (vcrs started showing up as I got older as did cable). As a freakin adult I find all the things available to do as massive temptations and I definately do to much multitasking and not enough activities with deep focus. One reason college dorms are the way they are (or were. im talking the two people in a room with two closests two beds and two desks, cafeteria so you don't have to think about food or any day to days much) is to allow focussing on studies. When I went it was not unusual for one of the roomates to bring a small fridge or tv but some did not have them between the two. It was rare for someone to have a computer even with engineering majors and specifically cs majors. Honestly if someone did they were sorta spoiled. I really don't know if I would have made it to where I did academically if there was more to do so easily when I was in school. I mean I had to be careful not to start a good fiction book to late in the summer lest it be a temptation come the school year. Over winter break I would choose one to get read and done before second semester and I would avoid picking anything up over spring break as it was only a week. I was a nerd though. Tons of folks drank way to much but not ones in my major.