this post was submitted on 09 Jan 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] Death_to_cumskins@lemm.ee 2 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

The people who binge those murder shows and podcasts are the same personality of those who love gore images and videos.

[–] Melatonin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 2 hours ago (1 children)
[–] winkerjadams@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

Your chronically online personality is the perfect alibi via internet history 😎

[–] Melatonin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 1 hour ago* (last edited 53 minutes ago)

Eh, it shows, huh? I got no life, no life at all. 🤣

I’ve been watching a lot of those documentaries and they are just making me hate the police even more. Most come down to complete ineptitude and ignorance by the police who are ignoring red flags and being lazy idiots

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 13 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

That's why my dad told me to always get a receipt. It's not a business thing, it's an alibi thing!

[–] GladiusB@lemmy.world 7 points 14 hours ago (2 children)

Is he still getting cigarettes?

[–] beefbot@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 10 hours ago

Mines got a twenty year trail of receipts. The stores keep mailing them to us & it’s the only way we know where he is

[–] BigGovernment@lemmy.world 28 points 22 hours ago* (last edited 22 hours ago) (4 children)

This is why it's common in the black community to get a receipt whenever you buy anything. You can't prove where you are at all times, but you can prove that you were at a particular time and place. Might save you from being railroaded for a crime you didn't commit.

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 15 points 18 hours ago

"When the heck would I ever need to prove I paid for a doughnut?"

"When you're being tried for murder and the only alibi you got is buying a doughnut."

[–] dev_null@lemmy.ml 2 points 11 hours ago

And not so you are not accused of stealing? That's my reason of getting receipts.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 6 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago)

I have never heard that before, but that makes a depressing amount of sense.

[–] Melatonin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 21 hours ago

Damn, never thought of that. There's a REASON I might need to prove I bought a doughnut!

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 34 points 23 hours ago (2 children)

It's ok, your phone tracks your location.

So leave it at home when you go on that crime spree.

[–] nialv7@lemmy.world 6 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 19 minutes ago) (1 children)

How will I be able to get anywhere without map on my phone?

[–] Darkenfolk@dormi.zone 1 points 2 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago)

Boomer commentary about millennials and their atrocious map reading skills, while autofellatioing about their own generations map reading skills which they needed for travelling uphill towards their school which was situated on a tundra mountain.

[–] amon@lemmy.world 18 points 22 hours ago

even better, lend it to a friend to carry around town

[–] Ironfacebuster@lemmy.world 27 points 1 day ago (6 children)

I like all the suggestions in here about how to avoid getting caught for murder through your phone

My tip for not getting caught would be: probably don't murder someone in the first place unless they really really deserve it

[–] TankovayaDiviziya@lemmy.world 4 points 10 hours ago

I guess we're all Luigis now.

[–] assassinatedbyCIA@lemmy.world 1 points 9 hours ago

That doesn’t protect your ass when you get accused of a crime you didn’t commit.

[–] Wogi@lemmy.world 11 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

There are nearly 3000 billionaires worldwide. Collectively they own 14 trillion in wealth.

This is nearly double all of the wealth held by every other person in the world, combined.

[–] guiguinofake@sh.itjust.works 2 points 12 hours ago (2 children)

Why don't we just get rid of them? Are we stupid?

[–] guyoverthere123@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 10 hours ago (1 children)
[–] gwen@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

fr -- but /c/wooosh, it's batmanarkham reference

[–] Wogi@lemmy.world 1 points 2 hours ago

Help a guy who's never played a Batman game out.

[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 13 hours ago

Perfect cover, Scott....

[–] BigBananaDealer@lemm.ee 9 points 23 hours ago (2 children)

what is the definition of really really deserve it?

[–] Ironfacebuster@lemmy.world 1 points 13 hours ago

Being too inquisitive

[–] Canonical_Warlock@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 23 hours ago (1 children)
[–] BigBananaDealer@lemm.ee 4 points 22 hours ago

top marks for not tryin

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[–] frickineh@lemmy.world 89 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Yeah turns out, "sitting in my room alone playing video games," isn't much of an alibi. I should get some hobbies that involve people. Like...multi-player games.

[–] bamboo@lemmy.blahaj.zone 62 points 1 day ago (12 children)

This is why there are so many Twitch streamers. They get nothing out of it except for a perfect alibi.

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[–] IDKWhatUsernametoPutHereLolol@lemmy.dbzer0.com 97 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (20 children)

Shitty Pro Tips:

Turn on Google Maps Location History and act like a "normie". (You should probably do this for a few months to establish a good and lenthy history)

Then when you want to do ~~murder~~ surprise deprivation of someone's life, leave your phone at home and use a pre-recorded voice of you that would activate and use the Google/Siri assistant at the same time as when you do the deed.

Voila, ez alibi!

[–] 1rre@discuss.tchncs.de 77 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

Even better, my location history proves I regularly go on 5 hour drives in the middle of the night so it's not at all out of character that I drove to the middle of the woods where the body was found at 3am

wait that's not a good thing is it

what do you mean they found more bodies

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[–] BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world 13 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I think if you have a Fitbit or something similar on they can prove where you are?

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 26 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Just having your phone should do that.

So, so many crimes are solved mainly through phone metadata

[–] Melatonin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 17 points 1 day ago (5 children)

Just remember boys and girls, leave your phone at home when you go murder.

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