this post was submitted on 13 Jan 2025

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Every single time 😬 (lemm.ee)

submitted 1 day ago by max55@lemm.ee to c/memes@lemmy.world

53 comments fedilink hide all child comments

It happens more often than expected... 👀

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[–] UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 5 points 8 hours ago

Are the straights okay?

[–] kylie_kraft@lemmy.world 3 points 8 hours ago

girl bad

[–] fritobugger2017@lemmy.world 2 points 8 hours ago

OP is a douche

[–] 2ugly2live@lemmy.world 13 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I wonder if she gets quiet because she's brought up the same, exact issue multiple times and she's tired of her concerns being invalidated and forgotten as "women, am I right?"

This can go both ways. She could be upset he's not a mind reader, or she could be upset that he doesn't give a fuck. A " Schrodinger's Douchebag" if you will.

[–] UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 1 points 8 hours ago

Everybody Sucks Here

[–] 5PACEBAR@lemmy.world 37 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Certified boomer shit

[–] Subtracty@lemmy.world 2 points 8 hours ago

The old ball and chain! Am I right?

[–] Obi@sopuli.xyz 11 points 1 day ago

Wife bad amirite fellas upvotes to the left <-

[–] Klnsfw@lemmynsfw.com -4 points 11 hours ago

Yeah ! Misogyny ! Welcome to my block list, OP !

[–] Novamdomum@fedia.io 30 points 1 day ago (1 children)

There's a relationship cheat code I use all the time. It usually stops everything in it's tracks and sets you on a much more positive path, especially if they're not used to you doing this. When you find yourself at that point in a conversation where you're about to shout something like "OH FFS! WHAT'S THE MATTER NOW?!" instead... you pause, look at them, tilt your head a bit, narrow your eyes thoughtfully and say as calmly as you can "What do you need?". No matter how mad they get after that you just keep asking that question until they respond to it. If you haven't done that before it may take them a while to even notice you asked that question. Just keep going. Oh also top tip... when they tell you what they need don't invalidate it. It's hard for a lot of people to directly tell you what they actually need. If they do then they're trusting you to listen. Breaking that trust will take you right back to square one.

[–] bruhduh@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago (5 children)

What if you physically attacked by that person tho?

[–] chiliedogg@lemmy.world 3 points 10 hours ago

Then what they need is to no longer be in the relationship.

[–] revanthetrueemperor@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Well stop trying to make this relationship work, pack your bag and run. If you are in this situation i hope it will get better for you! good luck.

[–] bruhduh@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

Thank you)

[–] horse_battery_staple@lemmy.world 3 points 23 hours ago

https://www.thehotline.org/

[–] lurch@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 day ago

Then it's finally time to get the plate mail. Fool me once, you can't get fooled again.

[–] Croquette@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 day ago

You look them in the eye and kiss them tenderly. It might be their kink.

[–] Endymion_Mallorn@kbin.melroy.org 50 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I've learned to ask "what's on your mind?" instead. It's less accusatory than assuming something is wrong.

[–] DudeImMacGyver@kbin.earth 25 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Yeah, I've used "Talk to me, what's going on?"

[–] UndulyUnruly@lemmy.world 14 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Full-on witchcraft advice going on here, lads. Stay away.

[–] DudeImMacGyver@kbin.earth 1 points 8 hours ago

Shh!

[–] halykthered@lemmy.ml 40 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I get it! Wife bad! ROFLOL

[–] podperson@lemm.ee 12 points 1 day ago

Wait - I am muted on a conference call. Let me unmute to laugh.

[–] FeelzGoodMan420@eviltoast.org 5 points 1 day ago

Wife bad, amirite?

[–] MossyFeathers@pawb.social 26 points 1 day ago

Yeah, uh, communication is an important part of a relationship. If your partner gets mad because you ask "what's wrong" then you might need to have a talk with them. If they refuse then it's probably time to walk away.

[–] procrastitron@lemmy.world 22 points 1 day ago (1 children)

She’ll get even madder if you try to defend yourself saying “I can’t read your mind”…

because that makes it too obvious you weren’t listening when she explicitly told you what was wrong.

[–] NaibofTabr@infosec.pub 15 points 1 day ago (1 children)

because that makes it too obvious you weren’t listening ~~when~~ if she explicitly told you what was wrong.

If. Not saying it doesn't happen, but it's not common, especially not explicitly. And that's not really a male/female/etc thing, it's an everybody thing - people get upset and usually don't know exactly why. People experience delayed reactions to emotional triggers that happened days or weeks ago. People project past emotional reactions onto present interactions, usually not for any identifiable reason (this is not to belittle or invalidate the emotion, but just to point out that the connection is usually tenuous and vague).

Getting more angry when someone asks you why you seem upset is typically a defensive reaction - you don't know why you feel so upset right now, at least not for any specific reason you can express in the moment... so being asked why is putting pressure on you when you're already experiencing some anxiety, and the typical response is to try to deflect and defend against that pressure.

[+] horse_battery_staple@lemmy.world -6 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

They told you the problem. It may not have been a verbal demand but they've absolutely told you that something is wrong. Or there's a pattern that's been occurring. Or "fuck you, fuck this, fuck that, fuck everything sucks right now". It doesn't matter why someone is defensive there are ways to deescalate what the fuck is happening and work out what's wrong together.

If you can't work that out with your partner when they're overloaded or upset about work or hungry or elevated you need to figure your shit out. Not all communication is verbal. You have to learn to work in crisis together no matter how big or small.

When my partner flips their shit I ask them what they need and agree that we should do that. And listen to them and figure out if we are solutions oriented right now or just venting. And I validate them.

We're a team. We can do this together. Because I absolutely know they'll work with me through anything.

[–] GeeDubHayduke@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

It may not have been a verbal demand but they’ve absolutely told you that something is wrong.

Devil's advocate: perhaps. But, then all you know is something is wrong, not what. And when asking clarifying questions, like, oh say "what's wrong?" makes the situation worse? Guess i should paid more attention in Mind Reading at Hogwarts...

[–] horse_battery_staple@lemmy.world 0 points 17 hours ago

oh say “what’s wrong?” makes the situation worse? Guess i should paid more attention in Mind Reading at Hogwarts…

I don't think this is a productive way to think of your partner. I also don't think you've read my comment replies.

If you're having trouble communicating with your partner, and you get defensive about it, you're going to have bigger problems than just "mind reading" as you call it.

[–] Croquette@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

If my partner is having an issue they can't properly express, how I am supposed to somehow magically know what they need? That's some Disney shit.

If my partner is upset, I will 100% try to find a solution with them. But if they get mad at me for not understanding what they feel because they don't understand it themselves, you bet that I won't let that roll.

And it's also okay to say "I'm upset and I don't know why exactly". It's a starting point to resolve the issue.

[–] horse_battery_staple@lemmy.world -2 points 23 hours ago* (last edited 23 hours ago) (1 children)

It doesn't matter they can't initially properly express it. It matters that you create enough space for them to express frustration and help them work through it. Or you're always going to have to deal with them blowing up. Because they can't feel like they can talk to you. There's no pressure release valve.

But if they get mad at me for not understanding what they feel because they don’t understand it themselves, you bet that I won’t let that roll.

So you escalate the situation instead?

If they're just pissed, they're pissed. It's not personal. Unless you did indeed fuck up, then don't be defensive and figure out why. This isn't debate team, there are no points, there is no winner. You absolutely will have to "let it roll" so that that they feel confident in "letting it roll" when you're being irrational and frustrated.

Big caveat here of course when it comes to irrational anger, if it's abusive, leave the room|house|state if possible. Also, know that there are mutual aid networks to help with that. If you feel you're in an abusive relationship call the hotline.

https://www.thehotline.org/

[–] Croquette@sh.itjust.works 1 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

I don't escalate, but I tell my partner that her behavior is not acceptable, and she does the same to me.

Being pissed isn't a free pass to be a dick to your partner. If they are pissed and they come to you, then they don't get to be pissy with you.

If they can't do that, they can go take a five and come back after. It's the same thing we teach children.

In the case I fucked up, I apologize and make amends. Again, it isn't a free pass for my partner to berate me.

And my partner expects the same from me.

[–] horse_battery_staple@lemmy.world 1 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago) (1 children)

I think we're misunderstanding each other. You're using combative and defensive language and then assuming that I'm allowing someone to berate me. That's different than what happens. There needs to be open communication about how your partner makes you feel and what language they use. But coming at this from a punitive or paternal angle is just ick.

[–] Croquette@sh.itjust.works 0 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Your initial point is that the partner already expressed their point clearly and that's the other partner (the man), that didn't listen.

To which I responded that the onus is on the pissed person to communicate well the issue, not the person listening (assuming that both are acting on good faith).

It's easy to say " I am mad because of X" regardless of the situation, instead of playing mind games. Or "I am mad about X and I don't know how to express it". Simple, respectful and a starting point to resolve the conflict.

This is not coming from a paternal or punitive angle, this is just proper communication. If you can't express why you are upset to someone and act like the meme, this is not acceptable and respectful.

[–] horse_battery_staple@lemmy.world 1 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago)

If they can’t do that, they can go take a five and come back after. It’s the same thing we teach children.

Is the definition of paternal.

You're asking for a rational response from an irrational act. People don't say "Oh I seem to have stubbed my toe and it pains me" they say FUCK THAT HURT.

You sound like you're trying to manage someone's emotions with your language and posturing. Which is the exact opposite of what will deescalate a situation.

[–] SleepyPie@lemmy.world 10 points 1 day ago

I hope you one day realize that only a subset of possible partners are like this and that you can find more emotionally intelligent people if you’re willing to spend time and effort putting yourself out there. It will improve your life greatly in the long run

[–] CidVicious@sh.itjust.works -3 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

Another one for the blocklist

[–] UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 1 points 8 hours ago

I was worried when I saw so many comments but yall are aight here.

Also you should block me, but for much different reasons.

[–] nl4real@lemmy.world -1 points 20 hours ago

OK Boomer.

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