This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
Be warned:
If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.
To explain the joke, as is tradition in Germany. "To meet" translates to "treffen" in German. Which can also mean "to hit something or somebody".
Once had a multicultural family gathering where we translated the same joke into several languages.
A man knocks at a door. A woman opens and he says: "Hello, my name is Toulouse. I'm here to fuck your daughter." The woman screams: "To what?!?" He answers calmly: "Toulouse."
„Hallo, mein~~meine~~ Name ist Umberto und ich bin hier um Ihre Tochter zu ficken“
„UM WAS???“
„Umberto.“
So I've been learning German for a couple of months. Wouldn't it be "mein name?" 🤔 because presumably Umberto is male?
Buy yes, funny joke 😂
Male or female, it's always "mein" because "Name" is a male noun.
Vielen Dank!
“To meet” translates to “treffen” in German. Which can also mean “to hit something or somebody”.
Join the shooting club, meet new friends.
Hola, mi nombre es Álvaro, vengo a tirarme/follarme a tu hija.
¿¡¿¡¿A qué?!?!?
Álvaro.
In the early 80s, American scientists and engineers produced the smallest precision drill bit ever created. With great pride and fanfare, they sent it to their West German colleagues for study and reproduction.
Just days later, the engineering team received a parcel. In it, a note: "Thank you for letting us test our equipment" and the original drill bit with a hole drilled through its center.
I know a variant ~~ending~~ of this:
I messed up a bit. They were sending the thinnest wire they could build.
Just days later, the engineering team received their ~~drillbit~~ wire with a note attached: „The description got lost on the way. We didn't know what to do with the rod you sent us, so we cut an internal threading into it. Best regards!“
The farmer and the farmhand are out in the field working. Suddenly the sky closes in and it looks like rain. The farmhand says to the farmer: "If we don't hurry now, we'll get soaked here." The farmer says to the farmhand: "Then go into the house and get my wellies!" The farmhand says: "Why me? Why don't you get your wellies yourself?" The farmer looks at the farmhand angrily and asks: "Who’s the farmer? Who’s the Farmhand?"
The farmhand goes into the house in a rage. The farmer's wife and her pretty daughter are sitting at the kitchen table. The farmhand says to the two of them: "The farmer said you two should get naked so I can fuck you." The two women look at each other. The farmer's wife is surprised: "No, I don't believe that. The farmer would never say something like that, would he?" "Yes, he would," says the farmhand. "But I can ask again just in case." He goes to the kitchen window and opens it. The farmer's wife has followed him and is standing next to it. The farmhand shouts out into the field: "Farmer, both of them?" The farmer looks at the window and shouts back: "Both of course, you idiot!"
Québécois and a French learning Ontarian having a chat. The Ontarians goes - o look a fly, Québécois corrects him- A fly. O - wow you have good eyesight. Wregarde, un mouche- -Non, une mouche
This is a kids pun joke that got lost in translation. Treffen can mean either to meet or to hit (like with a bullet).
Want a funny German joke? Why don't ants go to church? Because they're insects!
As an immigrant in Germany, that’s the reason people think Germans aren’t funny. A lot of the humor is pun-based (and sometimes there are many, many more layers, making them actually very good jokes), which just doesn’t translate well.
It's neat that the ant joke's pun translates into English, good pick.
An angry Ontarian calls a radio show, and complains about all the Newfies coming to Ontario to take the good jobs. "We aughta build a wall to keep them Newfies out!"
Next call to the radio show is a newfie: "Owshegettinonb’y? Ye by's be havin' any jobs bildin tha' wall or wha'?"
(How are you doing? You guys have any jobs building that wall, or what?)
German humour is no laughing matter!
These two are from Romania, specifically about people from Ardeal (the region encompassing Transylvania) - which means they're aimed at the fact that people from Ardeal are slow (haha, so funny, Southerners...):
Later on, while sleeping, George is suddenly woken up by a foul smell. "John," he said softly, "did you fart?"
"No, George, must've been the dog."
"Oh, ok."
A couple of minutes pass, then George suddenly has a realisation: "John, the dog isn't here, though..."
"Oh, don't worry," says John half asleep, "I'm sure it'll turn up eventually."
"The bus isn't coming," John says softly.
After a couple of minutes, George replies matter-of-factly: "it'll come, I'm telling you."
A few more minutes pass, then Mary chimes in: "if you two keep arguing, I'm walking home."
«done is done said the moose and walked over the river and became a reindeer.»
in norwegian done rhymes with deer, and reindeer rhymes with clean.
The pot is lauging because the boiler is black.
Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
💀
Zer ver zwei peanuts walking down der Straße. Von vas assaulted .... peanut.
o hohohohohoho!
Girl goes to a store and asks: "do you sell pantyhoses?". The salesman replies: "why? Do you have half an ass?"