The Onion

(Washington D.C.) After two weeks of the new presidential administration, the country and the world have seen tremendous change. The US has cut off most aid, begun laying off government workers, and installing choices many call questionable into key cabinet positions. But as the snowballing consequences begin hurtling towards us for these choices, republicans remain delighted they’re happening.

“I bet them deep state spies are quaking in their boots,” said Erma Kruntz, as she nervously waited by her mailbox for her medicare check. “I’m tired of paying for so many people to sit around and make my money, not that I pay taxes, and this efficiency thing is gonna fix that.”

Kruntz, whose benefit check may be delayed by government confusion over furloughs, is not the only one cheering trump’s changes. Leo Sturbgetter, a cow de-tangler in North Carolina, shares similar thoughts. “We send money all over the world, while people are starving here in America. We need to take that money and use it to pay less taxes.”

Economists, however, are less optimistic. “My grant is frozen,” said one economist, “so if you give me $200, I’ll say whatever you want.”

He continued, “this $200 makes a good point; as government support goes away, experts will become more dependent on biased funding sources to give comments or do research. There’s no telling what I might do for another $200 - no talking points are off limits.”

But economists predicting that butter can become a new form of online coin does not dampen the spirits of those oh-so-innocent republican voters skipping into the deep woods of reality. “I’m really excited Bout those tariffs,” said one. “I’d love to see China pay my taxes.”

That sentiment can only be tested by the coming months.