643
... Oh, it's treated wood? Never mind. RIP.
Yeah, but it just soaked up bacteria in the sink…
Actually, the capillary action of wood is antibacterial. It dehydrates the cells and they die.
Wood cutting boards are more hygienic than plastic.
Yep, read an article about not applying finish to cutting boards for this reason.
Also found out open grain woods might be better at preventing bacteria from building up, was always told the opposite.
Maybe at first, but I don't want my cutting board sucking food juices for years.
Woodworker here: This is why wooden cutting boards are coated with an ingestion safe oil or paste wax before use. Prevents significant fluid ingress. Then hand wash it and stand it vertically to air dry.
I just wish my partner wouldn't leave wooden chopping boards or spoons soaking in water overnight. Want to get a somewhat decent one but I know it's inevitable.
Maybe I should just buy some nice hardwood board and cut one to size and use that as a choppig board. A lot cheaper than buying something labelled as a chopping board.
Find a local wood shop and ask if they have any hardwood scrap pieces. I got a bunch of small pieces of red oak for free that work great as a cutting board
I don't even know what a wood shop would look like. B&Q or Wickes sell timber but I think it's a fairly limited selection, mostly just different size/shapes of softwoods.
Where else am i to get my required daily dose of microplastic?
Just inhale. Especially if you are in a closed environment without proper ventilation. Many clothing are made with synthetic fiber blends, so there is plastic micro fibers in every home.
You can choose not to buy polyester clothing. Most of mine is cotton.
Ah, but car tires are the #1 cause of microplastic pollution and in the US there aren't any cities that are car free
Drinking water?
Eating animals and plants
Car tire dust. Most of the plastic in your body comes from car tires
At press time, sources confirmed moisture within the wooden spoon had caused Davies to contract a drug-resistant and potentially fatal fungal infection.
Heh, I didn’t read the article! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I always crack up at the nonchalant "sources confirm" in this kind of article.
Wait until you learn about the mycotoxins that can accumulate in wood.
And they called me mad for doing the work I do. MWHAHA!
Splinters could cause small wounds in the lips or tongue. Over time, there will be a slight increase in cancer risk. Also, cancer needs nutrients to grow, so anything that helps you to eat could eventually lead to cancer. Better to wither away than aid your cells in growing and dividing, I always say.
Indeed, being a multicellular organism usually means you're either pre-cancer or already have tumors that have not yet become malignant.
well, it depends
If the wood used to make the spoon has been treated with chemical agents, it can potentially cause cancer as well.
Why is this on the onion if its true?
Yet
headline is weird
Headline is accurate.
"wooden spoon only thing... that not giving him cancer"
it should be that is not / that's not / not. 'that not' is nonsense with a singular subject.
Whatchu talkin bout willis?
you're right, that looks like i had a stroke
headline should read "Wooden Spoon Only Thing In Man's Life Not Giving Him Cancer". "That not giving" is grammatically incorrect.
I thought bamboo was grass not wood
Why use more words when less work? (I know it's the actual title of the article, no offense towards you, op).
It's newspaper title logic, it's been a thing forever. It was too save space back where every letter counted.
Yeah. Sorry, I was just being dumb. As I said nothing against OP.
this post was submitted on 13 Feb 2025
643 points (99.5% liked)
The Onion
7467 readers
91 users here now
The Onion
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
- The Onion
- Clickhole
- McSweeney's
- Reductress
- The Chaser
- The Hard Times
- The Needling
- Tattletale Times
- The Beaverton
founded 4 years ago
MODERATORS