Mental Health

I'm approaching 30 and feel like a failure, a loser, and too old to turn my life around. At the same time, I feel that my problems are trivial and that I shouldn't be posting here.

Life is very hard right now, you absolutely should be posting here because when you speak up about how you are hurting you make the rest of us who may be in similar situations hurting feel less alone even if we can't give you any advice to magically solve the problem and vice versa.

Then again, advice doesn't have to be magic or novel to be helpful, sometimes just hearing it repeated over and over again is what counts.

It's most definitely not too late.

I was in a similar state about fifteen years ago, and older than you at the time.

The thing is that by not tackling the anxiety earlier, you've been learning how to live while anxious.

I have IBS and had a hernia that was making things far worse. I had no idea that's what was going on with me. I lived that way for years.

Once it was fixed I needed to learn how to unlearn the anxiety. I'd wake up each day worrying whether it'd be a good day or a terrible ond. I'd stress about using the toilet.

Now I'm married and have a good life.

You've gotta start tackling that anxiety. Medication, therapy, self work.

I used to think I was depressed, now I realize I was depressed about what my anxiety kept me from doing.

Once you start to unravel the way you are, you'll start remaking yourself into a more conscious person. It's extremely worthwhile.

I was like you once. Had to move back in with my parents, couldn't find a job for months on end. Floating through life without a fire in me felt like shit. Your problems aren't trivial. Things will get better. Forgive the platitude, but despite what you believe right now, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I had/have a terrible anxiety disorder (still working on it to some degree, but I'm able to control it now) that was eating my life and my happiness away. What helped me tremendously was looking inward and asking why I feel these things without indulging any thoughts that came up. Objectively analyzing each thought and feeling without judgement. Each new revelation was followed by "well, why is that true?" Your emotions aren't there for no reason, they're indicators of your internal state like warning lights. Asking why they're going off will lead you to the answers you want.

From there, I accepted that my parents were straight up emotionally neglectful/abusive. I won't delve into it for brevity, but I encourage you to objectively analyze your relationship with your parents. When I did that, I realized they were the source of my insecurities. Their constant criticism disguised as "jokes" and boundary breaking spawned that horrible anxiety disorder. Maybe your parents have done something similar?

Read The Body Keeps the Score. It echoes pretty much everything I've said here. The best part? It's empirically validated, no woo-woo bullshit.

I hope this helped even a tiny bit.

At almost 30 you’re nowhere near the end of your journey. Many of my peers made most of their life changes after 30 in fact.

One of life's great injustices is the amount of work one does in a low paying job and a high paying job doesn't really differ all that much. Most of the reason highly valued people are paid as much as they are is merely inertia, same with low income. The "poverty trap" is real and takes incredible luck to escape.

I actually think your decision to stay home is laudable, and in fact I think you should stick with it as long as possible. You have a support structure and the opportunity to expand your horizons!

Your mental health is tied to your work because our society has shoved that narrative down your throat. You are more than your work, you are a complex and unique person whose value is not tied to your economic station.

You asked for resources. Those I know who have escaped the trap have done so through things like job corp, training academies, job switching, self study, etc. Don't be afraid to try new things and invest in yourself, especially into your mental health.

I recommend this book all the time. "Discover What You Are Best At." Linda Gail. I got it when I was about your age. It's a series of self tests you can finish in half a day, and then a list of jobs that use those skills. For example, a product demonstrator and a paramedic both need good social skills and good dexterity. Totally different jobs with a similar skill set.

I found that just taking the course was helpful, because I was interacting with the other students.