The Onion

WASHINGTON—In an effort to manage the American people’s expectations, officials at the National Association for Business Economics announced Wednesday that they hoped your heart wasn’t set on a house. “We’re not saying it’s impossible—we’re just saying you might want to consider keeping your options open,” said Jeffrey Birney, an economics professor at Georgetown University, who acknowledged that while, from a theoretical perspective, a three-bedroom, two-bathroom home would “be nice,” the economists didn’t want the nation to be disappointed if things didn’t turn out as expected. “There are so many other places you could live: an apartment, the basement or living room of a friend or family member, an RV, or even a roomy car. It would just be heartbreaking if that’s what your little savings account turned out to be for. Oh jeez, don’t tell us that’s really what it’s for.” At press time, economists were gently encouraging Americans to focus on food