well, I'm 55, so the 20 of them, and some I still says once a week :)

Only 7. I feel like I’m letting my children down.

I'm checking enough that I stopped counting

Lower than I thought, but still higher than I'd care to admit.

4, no surprise, I am not fit to be a parent.

A lot of these are default reactions in Germany (also by women).

I don't know, can you?

Answering yes to a one or the other question

Monty Python and/or Naked Gun quotes

Checked every box, passing them on to the next generation. Missed a couple:

Get any on you? - after a belch.

Pull my finger

18/20 jfc... This was probably a quarter of that before being a middle aged dad and inheriting my father's clothes.

16, and that's just the things I've said this week

Clicks the tongs

Slaps the hood

Kicks the tire

I read the first column and thought "Huh, guess I'm not as Dad as I thought I was," but then ticked every box on the second column.

"That's how they get you" is a significant part of my personality.

Eight-ish? Dad of two nearing fifty so I guess I'm on par for the course.

One is discovered thanks to US memes is the dad uniform including New Balance. I bought some NB when I was in China and I have to say they really are comfy.

The one about awkward loads is hilarious to me. Because it really is true though. You can lift a shit ton more if you've a good grip! I can hardly lift a washing machine, but I can carry one on my back without issue.

I'm a childless dude in his 40s and I tick several if you replace "kids" with other family/coworkers/etc.

My dad always said "let's rock and/or roll" for departure.

Shoot - my wife gets at least as many as I do!

Yes.

Damn, I’m friggin super-mega-dad over here. I also literally typed this with one finger

I’m fine. How are you?

All but two.

The last one is just the proper standard procedure of securing something.

"Smells good!" When nothing smells good

I feel "guess it's free" is soooo overused, I feel like it grates on cashiers nerves, beyond a good groaner, so instead I say "aw crap, does this mean it's triple price?"