Ask Lemmy

Another form of this question is for married people, of if their spouse's genitals one day just flipped inside-out or outside-in, would that be enough to end your relationship?

I love my partner so, so much, as she basically saved my life. And if she woke up tomorrow sporting a turgid member, I wouldn't love her any less. In fact, quite far from a deal breaker. Even if she, out of nowhere, wanted bottom surgery, I would support her 100%. But, with that, presenting as the gender she does is what makes me attracted to her. My brain stem loves them good lady shapes, and the rest of my brain loves this individual lady in particular.

It's a package deal, but of she had a package, that's not part of the math for the deal.

Yes. If they look feminine and their AGAB is female and I find them attractive and enjoyable to be around. Relevant to your question - if they check the first two boxes, then while intellectually I can appreciate that they see themselves as not fitting into the traditional feminine category, my dick will disregard this and say "THAT LADY. WANT FUCK." And if this person wants to use they/them pronouns and checks all my other boxes, then their nonbinary status is essentially irrelivant to my descision making process.

I'm gynesexual but like tomboys, so yes.

(answering as though I were single of course)

I would date them if I found them attractive (which implies more femme than not) and if they have a vagina, regardless of whether they always have.

Probably not. It would depend on their biological sex but really, why deal with that when it's so easy to avoid?

I’m sexually attracted exclusively to feminine presenting people and repulsed by masculine presenting people. I don’t really care about what’s between legs but I am much more experience with vaginas. But I’m a hoe and don’t really know what to call my sexuality

Yeah of course, if they looked attractive to me and liked me back.

Well of course, its kind of nobrainer? If you like someone and want to be with them and they like you and want to be with you, that is that.

Yes. I do have a thing for vaginas though, so that’s probably gonna be pretty important.

No, because I'm not dating at all.

I'll date anything that's not male. except turtles. turtles suck.

Likely not, though there are always exceptions.

Friends for sure. The big difference to me, between dating and being friends, is the level of physical intimacy and sexual attraction between the people in the relationship -- and ideally, you want that to be a strong enough bond that you can rely on each other for those needs almost exclusively. I can't realistically picture such a bond with a non binary person, similar to how I don't think such a bond can be as exclusive/strong with someone who is 'gender fluid' (as it'd feel like I'd never live up to the expectations of a partner that wanted to physically/materially play around with both men and women, seeing as I'm just one of the two). I also find myself more attracted to certain generally more feminine characteristics, which would likely not work out well if the other person is non-binary -- I wouldn't want someone I cared about, changing/masking who they are, just for my benefit, so I wouldn't want to put them into that sort of dilemma by pursuing a relationship.

There's nothing wrong with being non-binary. There's also nothing wrong with not being attracted to non-binary people.

Then again, my viewpoint has resulted in me being a single middle aged person with no real immediate family, and few close friends (they tend to go 'poof' once they find a wife/husband and start families). So being somewhat mindful of these things, may have negative results in the long run for most cis-folks. May be better to just hook up with anything with a pulse, and try to get some kids/connections by any means, if you don't want to die alone. Throw every relationship at the wall and see what sticks -- any hole's a goal.

This is a messy but interesting question to sort my thoughts on. First, I did date a non-binary person for a couple years and ended things on good terms. I’m AMAB, they’re AFAB on testosterone. I’ll admit I felt a little weird as their transition took effect over time with thicker leg hair and a peach fuzz mustache.

Second, I’ve considered myself a sex-positive asexual person since I learned the term, so I’m not certain I should be answering this. I’ve always been confused when someone is called hot, but I like the mental/emotional intimacy and physical touch of sex. I’ve come to realize recently that I’d probably be okay being intimate with a woman or feminine partner with a dick, but since I would like to have kids some day it wouldn’t really work for a romantic relationship.

Third, that partner has half-jokingly said that you have to be a little gay to date them, so I don’t know that any person that would date a non-binary person can call themself 100% straight, which means technically nobody should be answering this question at all :P

I think I'm too old but my bi kids don't care and the trans (boy now) one has a girlfriend and the mom wouldn't let her stay over UNTIL she found out that the boyfriend was trans. Now she is allowed to stay over. I found that interesting.

Brave new world.

For me, non-binary partner would have to be both a male bodied person and one who enjoyed using their OEM equipment. As I am not bi. But beyond that - if they didn't feel male or female, not sure I would care. It hasn't come up so not sure.

Yes.

I see two scenarios. One, they catfish me if they can pass for a regular straight man. How I react to this when I find out will depend a lot on their personality and how everything unfolded, but it's very likely I'd be very angry about them lying.

The other scenario is one in which our personalities click really well, so well we would be besties. But the advances would theirs. Again, how I respond to these advances would vary a lot but if we already have that exceptional affinity then it's likely to go well. I think looks would be important here, they don't need to look masculine but they would need to have somewhat conventionally attractive features. I'm boring and limited like that, sorry.

I still don't know what that means.

Probably yes, to me it is not really important how they identify.
The only label I'm interested in is if I like a person or not. If they plan to change that person in the future, is possible that in the future I don't like them anymore but that can happen anyway without any planned change.

Tbh. Am straight, and I wouldn't date them, even if I'd find them attractive. Just because I don't have time and nerves to deal with confusion of something so fundamental.

I've been happily married for a long time, but I do occasionally wonder what I would do if I lost my wife. I would probably date by vibes, and if someone I found attractive was interested in dating me i don't think i'd care much how they identify.

Of course. I like fit folks, if your fit, and look good, kinda doesn't matter what your chosen identity is. I'll be honest, I'm not really into bright colors in hair, but the only real deal breaker is if your unreliable, dishonest or emotionally unavailable

I would. Why not. I've always been attracted more to the person than the meatbag they occupy. I've also never thought as myself as straight or bi, I just like what I like and don't think about it too much. I think it was Michael Stipe who said something like he's not bi, he's sexually open to everyone. I think I'm sort of the same.

I wouldn't rule it out. But maybe I'm not fully straight either, even if I only dated women so far.
The only deal breaker I can't see myself getting over is if they had a sex change operation.
Something about that just kills the attraction for me on an instinctual level.
That doesn't mean I think it's wrong to have one (it's not my place to judge that at all) or that I'd respect them any less, I just can't see myself dating someone who had one.