Based on the recent Pap smear post, it seems like a lot of women have had bad experiences with their gynecologist. I just wanted to mention a few things that helped me:
- You can ask for a smaller speculum.
- You can ask to insert a speculum yourself.
- You can discuss your care with your doctor before they begin any procedure so they know what/where your needs and sensitivities are.
- ALL of your questions deserve detailed answers that you can understand. Yes, even that question.
- It's good to have the input of a doctor, and the internet and friends can also be a great resource for learning about things (how painful is X? is Y normal?), but you know your body. Just because a doctor or friend said something is normal does not mean it is. Advocate for yourself.
I'm in the US and I know healthcare isn't always accessible or affordable so we often have to go with whoever is available. If you're able to, it might be worth it to try different doctors until you find one that listens and respects you.
The best gynecologist I've ever had was actually a man. I was really against having a male gynecologist, but he was the only one available that was covered. He's actually the reason I know speculums come in sizes. I'd been going to a gyno for over a decade and none had ever discussed my comfort with me until he did. I know some people may have reasons not to have a male gynecologist, but if one comes highly recommended maybe they're worth trying.
Also, I know it's difficult to internalize, but please remember that it's a doctors visit. There's nothing shameful or embarrassing about needing to go to one or being examined by one. In general, the doctor is there trying to help you and not judge you. The way they treat you should be respectful, but if they do not it's not because you deserve ill treatment or are not worth the time to care for. They are just bad at their job and unfortunately that job involves intimate areas.
You deserve to be safe and healthy. Please do not let a bad experience stop you from getting healthcare. A person who did something harmful to you does not deserve to stand in your way. You deserve a long and happy life and I hope you won't let others interfere with that.
Please feel free to share other tips in the comments.
PS: Not all women have vaginas and some men need to see a gyno as well. We love and respect all bodies here. We just want them safe and healthy.