Ask Lemmy

Try reading the book, "Stolen Focus." That helped me A LOT. At the time, my attention span was so sapped I couldn't even read a book so I actually had to listen to it as an audio book. Lucky it's a very good audio book because the author's got a good speaking voice

For me, it was switching to Lemmy as my exclusive source of social media. On reddit you could doomscroll all day and barely scratch the surface of available content. On Lemmy you've got like an hour max before you run into yesterday's posts. It's like quitting smoking by switching to nicotine gum.

It also helped that reddit is run by absolute scumbags and I was part of the exodus during the API-pocalypse. Not using reddit became a moral stance, and I'm far less compromising of my principles than my vices.

Maybe this is a bit more of my personal situation than your problem, but I have wicked social anxiety. I was on reddit for ten years and left maybe five comments. The community on the fediverse is so much smaller that it feels easier to get into and form a more meaningful connection. People seem to be friendlier, and while you do run into the odd person who's violently intractable, their population is also much smaller than reddit.

And to further bash reddit and mainstream social media: the bot users, the doctored algorithms, sponsored content, and relentless advertising - they're all extremely manipulative and show no respect for you as a human being. We all deserve better than that.

You aren't pathetic Little Mouse. You're a little mouse and you're dealing with big shit - the weight of the world is crushing. If I may, I'd advise you to stop chasing the perfect content and learn to appreciate and contribute to what you already have. Way easier said than done, but it's said with love

Keep in mind that social media is the easy way out of boredom. Doing literally anything else requires more effort. Don't get me wrong, I also feel the need to talk about my interests with other people that i know also share whatever specific thing I'm on about at the moment, reddit's size makes it much better than lemmy - but that's the trap, unfortunately.

Case in point, sometimes I spend way too much time here on lemmy of all things, time that I should be spending on better non productive activities, like actually playing my backlog of games. Sometimes I end up reading some reddit posts because there are no lemmy equivalents (and often the lemmy is just a repost from reddit), but I do avoid commenting and interacting there.

You're extremely unlikely to find the perfect partner or even someone "who understands your tastes perfectly". The algorithms can do that to a point, but interacting with people requires effort and also helps us understand that keeping ourselves inside our niche bubbles isn't good for our social health. I share some interests with my girlfriend, but not several others - I'm lucky she enjoys boardgames and videogames, we can play some stuff together, but not some heavy or hard stuff that I personally enjoy a lot. Sometimes I just want to be left alone and play all day long, other times I suck it up and don't do that in order to keep our relationship going - she understands why I want some "me time" and doesn't judge me. Trust is important and luckily, we both trust each other a lot.

So tldr I guess is try again and fill that boredom with other stuff. If possible, set up an hour a day to be completely off the internet, at least. Avoid social media mostly because, although you can get some nice conversations on topics of your interest, you're mostly dealing with faceless names, and this isn't good for us if it's the most social we get.

"Self doubt is banned in this server!" You are not pathetic. From what I gather you feel lonely and it is totally understandable to try to connecting with others through social media.

But it also seems that you are unhappy about it, since you try to move away from reddit etc.

Maybe socialising with people irl could give you a long term improvement, but depending on your situation that can be scary at first. What helped me gain confidence was visiting a writers meet up. I didn't get very close to those people, but it was nice to be out and about and helped with overcoming my fears. But depending on your situation, this may be best supported by a therapist/social worker who you can debrief with, discuss what you felt and why.

Did you do anything to fill the void? Like actually being social irl? Talking to people irl? What you're describing is a normal human interaction but if you're not getting that irl, you'll fall back onto social media for the simple fact is that you're human and human need contact with others to save them from going insane.

Social media is to social interaction like scratching around the spot the doctor told not to scratch. It might seems it helps but not really.

To avoid social media is imperative to have real world interests and real social interactions. Depending on where you live this last part will be more or less harder and it will take time.

Where you live are there any places that offer free or very cheap classes or activities?

What are you interested in? Have any hobbies? Is there anything you might have felt curious at some point and never thought about it again?