514
Impressively inept
(lemmy.nz)
Maybe it makes a good explosive.
Have you tried baking it?
Now, lets not be hasty here, they might have just invented the future of eco friendly building materials!
mmmm wheat fudge
this looks like bread dipped in water
Play-Doh doesn't make for good bread.
You forgot the backing part?
Wow, y'all are ruthless (i wonder where Ruth went!)
My first 2 or 3 loaves ever kinda looked a bit like this way back when I first started too.
Failure or the first step to success. Otherwise, it's just luck.
I’ve never made anything like this and I’m still very new at baking, this is a bread catastrophe. This is like someone glanced at a recipe once and called it done
Get good, kid... you can't even legally call yourself a baker until you've cooked up a couple Frisbees that would be considered lethal weapons in Australia
The thing that improved my baking more than anything else was to start measuring by weight instead of volume. It's more precise since you don't have to worry about how compacted something is, and you can also just pour ingredients directly into a bowl with a scale instead of having to pull out and then clean 7 types of measuring cup.
If the recipe calls for X cups of flour, just use a chart to convert that to weight. I even have a scale (forget the name) with Bluetooth on it where I can save recipes to my phone and as I add ingredients it fills up little bars and dings when to stop and move to the next ingredient.
The bread is "cheesed".
There was too much water and too hot when the dough was mixed - flour appears to be cooked, like choux pastry - which implies the yeast died instantly and never leavened the bread.
Then there as a failed attempt to rescue the dough by addind more flour. There is a tentative crumb texture along the cut area.
And finally, the oven was too cold. Or, even worst, the bread was put in the oven at a low temperature or while it was heating to force the dough to rise.
That bread, and we are being very generous by refering to it as such, is dangerous to eat atop being an obvious disappointment. A bit of heart burn, if they were lucky, serious diarrhoea if not.
I bought some instant yeast and my bread still keeps turning out super firm, it gets a nice crust but it wont rise and I dont know what im doing wrong
The yeast might be dead
Test the yeast. Put it on lukewarm water with a pinch of sugar, stir gently and wait. If it froths after a bit, it's good.
Simple, no kneading, recipe.
- 800g of flour (all purpose)
- 600ml of water (you may not need all or even require a bit more)
- one pack of instant yeast
- salt to taste
Dump the flour in a bowl, mix in the yeast.
In a jar, pour some warm water (if it burns your wrist or your fingers, it's too hot), mix in the salt, stir until dissolved.
Pour half the water onto the flour. Stir with a wooden spoon, turning the water into the flour. You are aiming at just hydrating the flour. Keep adding water until you no longer find dry flour in the blow. The end result should be a shiny dough. It can have some clumps; ignore it. Cover it and let it rest for about an hour.
After an hour, go back, wet your hands, grab the side of the bowl and pull a handful of dough from the side of the bowl, up. Pull it up as if you're trying to pick it up, allow it to stretch a bit, and fold it into the center of the bowl. Pull, fold, turn the bowl a bit, repeat until you went around it. Leave it be again. Repeat every 30 minutes, for 2 hours. The dough will develop the gluten with each visit and the dough will feel heavier each time and harder to stretch.
After two hours, dust your hands and roll the dough into a ball, still in the bowl, then leave it rest for a bit.
Pre-heat your hoven at 180ºC, line a pot or a tall side oven dish or tray, cut the dough in half. Form one half into a rough ball again, put it in the tray and slide it in the oven. Crank the hear up to 200ºC. Let it cook until golden brown on top. Somewhere around 30 minutes should suffice. Tap it slightly to test the crust.
Take the pan out of the hoven, dump the bread uncerimoniously on your table. Tap the bottom; it should sound hollow. If not, throw it back into the oven.
When the first loaf is done, repeat with second. Be extra careful to not burn yourself on the hot pot or just use another.
Try it and give feedback.
This one bakes! 🫡
For nearly 20 years, now. Why buy if I can make it?
bake me a space shuttle! ...please!
....Im not buying that! Too expensive!
Too dangerous. You'd eat it while using it. I can guess your plan. You want to go the moon and try that cheese.
Even though Im allergic to cheese....I kinda do wanna try that moon cheese though
Go for it. You can have my share.
Because I'm lazy and clumsy.
Lazy, I can understand. Being clumsy is not.
I've taught basic bread making to a guy while he was in the process of getting sloshed and he achieved it.
The best thing that happened to me in terms of bread making was learning that you could chuck ingredients in a bowl, mix them well, then throw it in a large Tupperware container and put it in the fridge. Magic happens overnight, something something fairies, and POOF! The next morning you have a usable dough!
Every Hanukkah I make about 15 loaves of challah for dinner and to give to family. Using the fridge this way has made my life so much easier.
For real? No kneading?
The other commenter already gave you the right answer, but I wanted to chime in that once I got over my fear of making dough, I realized the rest of it is just variations and technique. Bread, pizza crust, bagels - I make focaccia more than anything, but it's all doable if the time and energy are available to you.
Well I have the time, I guess, but no energy! That's why that comment was so appealing to me. I bake a bunch around Xmas, but that's it. Takes all day, multiple cycles of kneading and proofing :/
For real.
The flour only needs to be fully hydrated and mixed in with the yeast and salt.
Leave to rise in a cool place and the yeast does all the heavy lifting for you. Modern bread is forced to rise; traditional bread making relied on time to allow the dough to rise and mature, so to speak.
I'm not making bread but got into making pizza. I have a dough box which fits into. my fridge. I measure good flour, water, salt and yeast, give it a but in my household kitchen machine of kneading so it doesn't warm up too much and then put it away.
Maybe I'll try with practically no machnine kneading next time, just run the machine until everything is mixed well.
I love my KitchenAid for certain things but for dough I'll usually use a dough whisk. It's a simple stick with a couple hard loops on it. Strong enough to thoroughly mix dough, but takes less time to clean than anything else, except maybe my hands lol.
Aside from holiday challah, I probably make focaccia more than anything else. And depending on my mood I'll load up the focaccia with some dollops of sauce, veggies, meat, and cheese for something closer to a Detroit style pizza.
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Fuck Reddit and Fuck Spez.
Quick question, what do you hope to achieve by yelling this out into the anti-Reddit echo chamber?
Fuck Mark Zuckerberg, while we're at it.
I didn't have flour, so I used the closest thing I had: chalk. Could that have been the problem?
All I can say is that it had all the ingredients we gave you.
What more can you ask!?
I had to pause for a cackle
Just looking at that gives me the ick. It's rare that something ostensibly edible, and as ordinary as bread (or something that's supposed to be bread) can do that, that's impressive.
I want to hear what recipe they followed and, more importantly, how closely they followed it. This reeks of "actually I substituted [completely ordinary ingredient you can buy at any convenience store even at 3am in the middle of nowhere for approximately 2 dollars] for [something that has no business being near this dish, let alone in this dish, but that they had in their cupboard], I don't know why it turned out so awful though!"
I don't think it's more complicated than that they accidentally killed the yeast. Some recipes call for you to add the yeast to lukewarm water. But what I did once when I was around 12 was put the yeast into boiling water then wait for the water to become lukewarm and then add the flour. Of course that kills the yeast so the bread I got was basically that picture.
It could even be an innocent mistake like leaving the yeast package in a really hot car which can also kill the yeast. Or who knows the yeast may have been dead already in the store and this person has done absolutely nothing wrong.
This, along with something wrong with the heat. Why isn't it browned? Did they steam this loafpocalypse? Maybe too much water, based on the tendrils along the sides.
I'm almost thinking this is a ragebait post.
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"I didn't have any wheat flour, so I used some minced cod I had been storing in the cutlery drawer for a few days"
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This looks like an unfired clay brick.
Love the sprinkle of flour as the finishing touch
"Invention of Hardtack, Unknown, 1189, Colorized"
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It looks like it was boiled rather than baked
If anyone actually has this happen, it's your yeast being given too little time. Unrisen bread needs to be thin. Very thin. Like 3 crackers thick, tops.
As an aside, make crackers. You won't regret it
As an aside, make crackers. You won't regret it
Fertility advice for rednecks
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Looks chewy.
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this post was submitted on 27 Aug 2026
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