Parenting

You read like potentially being on the spectrum and might want to look into that for your daughter. (And maybe for you if you're interested in answers)

Just a thought.

Off the cuff it sounds like you are projecting onto your kid.

I say this because I’ve been in the same boat. It’s really easy to find your own strengths and flaws in your kids, and it’s a very small step to projection from there.

It’s hard to remember what you were like…really like…at those ages. You can easily remember your teenage and later elementary years, and that’s often what we project because that’s what we remember.

I’d honestly suggest that instead of asking other uneducated schmucks on the internet, you discuss this topic with your own therapist. If you don’t have one, I’d highly suggest shopping around, particularly for one in your particular shoes. I have difficulty with stress and anger, and my kids are a big trigger for that…I was lucky to find an online therapist that deals with stress/anger management, and also family issues and also works as a childhood psychology professor. I would absolutely bring this to him. Thats what he’s there for, and online therapy sessions are surprisingly affordable.

My brothers son is socially awkward, so I try to affirm everything except egregious wrongs as acceptable and ok. It matters in Asia, where being smart and wise are societal aspirations. Say someone has a different viewpoint, I try to point out it's ok to have that viewpoint and to considwr other opinions and accept the challenge to their own. It helps him understand the other person as well as how his own opinion has merit and hes gradually coming around to accepting them and himself in the process.

If the kid is 4 they're going to be a COVID baby and possibly have some socialization issues due to lockdowns.

Talk to their daycare, preschool teachers, caregivers about their socializing and interaction. But kids need room to experiment, try, test boundaries, grow. If you measure them all the time rather than model behavior and tell them, show them, teach them what you want them to do then they will find other less desirable things to do.

Kids want to be involved and do things that other enjoy. Teach them the skills you think they need. If you value reading and music show them. If you value social interaction and conversation show them. They little sponges and will pick up whatever you make a point to show them consistently.

If you feel comfortable with a book in English, check out the book "Why Will No One Play With Me". It sounds as if there may be some neurodivergence going on and from only what you have mentioned here, this limited information fits almost exactly the pattern for ADHD. But there's obviously more information you aren't disclosing.

ADHD is highly heritable which makes sense that like parent like child.

Child psychiatrist is who you take her to for a diagnosis. Once you know where to look for strategies, which is what that diagnosis tells you, then you can start supporting her in all the best ways she'd benefit from.

Thanks for being a concerned parent.