Tattletale Times

Local woman Jessica O’Malley, age 39, embarked on a daring home renovation project this week, impulsively stripping and painting her kitchen cabinets a trendy shade of sage green in a desperate attempt to fill the gaping void in her soul.

“I saw this gorgeous kitchen on Pinterest and it just spoke to me,” sighed O’Malley, gazing longingly at the now bland green cabinets. “It was like, this is what I’ve been missing all along. A muted green color palette, like the 70’s, ya know?”

Friends and family, however, were less enthusiastic about the drastic change. “It looks like Shrek’s swamp exploded in there,” remarked Jessica’s husband, Steve, flatly. “But hey, at least you’re happy, honey.”

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