Saying the word “retarded” does not have to be inherently offensive. Describing something that is slowed or hindered as retarded is accurate. Using retarded as a pejorative term makes you a dick, sure. But if I go through all the effort to change “retarded” to “intellectually disabled” guess what happens? The same thing that has happened for the past 175+ years. The people who have used the terms in the pejorative sense will quickly adapt, making your efforts to police language pointless unless you intended to enrich their lexicon.
I have addressed this argument elsewhere in this post, but please forgive me rehashing the message here, because your comment is prominent, informative, and based in historical fact.
The word "retard" was used and is used to cause harm to vulnerable people. So was idiot, cretin, and moron. The difference is it is the last and likely immortalized step of this particular euphemism treadmill.
The treadmill appears to have stopped. There is no one-size-fits-all diagnosis to replace “mental retardation” because that was a terrible diagnosis to begin with. That’s why something is wrong with the word. The people whose lives were ground up beneath the turning of the wheels that powered that euphemism treadmill are still alive today.
Yes, if the treadmill had continued for one more step before we stopped using such horribly broad diagnosis criteria to lump together vulnerable people with wildly different needs, the word would lose its weight and implications.
Whatever diagnosis that might have replaced it would be regarded with the same moral repugnance as this word is today, and this word would be used as casually and apathetically as we use the word “idiot” - because we can be reasonably certain that nobody in the room has any memories of themselves or someone they love being excluded, humiliated, and diagnosed by the word “idiot”.
Will other diagnostic terms be weaponized? Certainly. Will they ever be as prevalent or as ignorant in their origin and usage? Unlikely. I certainly hope not. And each new vernacular replacement is more awkward and holds less power than the last. That’s why you’re not here defending any term that came after this one.
That's why - despite you mentioning it specifically as a spiritual successor to the word "retarded" - "intellectually disabled" is not successfully replacing it. It doesn't bear the same emotional connotations, it never experienced the same popularity, and it shows no signs of ever coming close. Is it used in problematic ways, by people in good faith and bad? Yes. But terms like it are unlikely to ever even approach the moral repugnance of "retard" because they won't carry quite the same history of professional ignorance and casual abuse.
The word "retard" - alone among these ableist terms we're discussing - will forever bear the moral weight of all of them. Because it will be remembered as the last term used to humiliate and exclude a vulnerable group of people by a society that should have known better. A society that should have done better. A society that still needs to do better.
Other terms won't be promoted to the same level of societal consciousness, because they hopefully won't be promoted to the same level of professional malpractice at such a staggering scale. The word was misused and caused harm by doctors, and parents, and peers, some who used the word in good faith and watched helplessly as it became twisted, and others who used the word from a place of ignorance and later learned how much harm could be done by a simple word.
By a diagnostic label that was never enough to even describe the people it hurt, let alone help them.
Is it okay to use the term for purposes other than causing pain and perpetuating discrimination against vulnerable people? No. Because those vulnerable people are still alive and with us, and those wounds are still fresh. Will it ever be okay, long after they're gone? Perhaps, but probably not.
The word's abandonment will be a milestone on a path fraught with systemic and systematic abuses, and will probably never recover it's original meaning. But that's okay, because language constantly evolves, and we have plenty of old words to say what we mean, and we will find plenty of new ones along the way.
The treadmill stopped. It’s okay. You can join the rest of the world and step off of it now, knowing that we are better equipped to understand and protect our most vulnerable, while also knowing that there is still so much more work to be done.
Still the word of choice? Published in the DSM-IV 30 years ago? Not the words that came after? The DSM-V, the ICD? These don't quite fit in the vernacular? They don't satisfy your language needs?
That's the entire point. The treadmill stopped on that word. The diagnosis-turned-slurs have stopped churning out. You can call something idiotic. You can say that's moronic. You can even argue, perhaps, that it's imbecilic. And finally, lastly, immortally, you can say, "that's retarded."
I'm not saying you need to say any of these things, mind you. But I do understand that you want to find a word that's just a bit more satisfying than saying "that's stupid." It sounds childish, I know. So you want to say "that's retarded" because it really works, y'know? And people get upset when you say it.
But would you say "it's disabled" to mean "it's stupid"?
Would you say "that's so handicapped"?
The catch-all term that said "you're stupid" also said "these people are all the same" and has been pinned down and stuck in place in your mind and the minds of society, and words like "disabled" or "handicapped" just doesn't quite cut it. Oh, people use them the way you know they're going to be used. Mean and ignorant people will use the words the way mean and ignorant people will always use words.
But you'll never use them that way.
But you, and your family, and your doctor, and your classmates, and your coworkers, and your friends, and your government... they'll never say "that's so disabled" when they want to say "that's so stupid."
And sometimes people will make mistakes, and other people will say inappropriate things like "what are you, handicapped?" And that won't be okay. Not because of the word itself - even when it is outdated. but because of the association with a medical condition.
It isn't okay to call your friends handicapped or disabled or whatever the next term will be because of the implication that the same word should be used to describe your niece who is nonverbal whose voice you wouldn't even recognize and your brother who forgot to save your video game.
What comes next shouldn't satisfy what you seem to want. We probably won't settle on an easy answer, and the current "safe" terms will probably fall out of favor in their time. Because they become slurs, like "retard"? No. Because they become outdated? Probably.
If we as a society keep moving in the right direction, nobody will ever use the next "safe" terms the way you freely use the word "retard". That's the entire point.
There is no need to set an arbitrary line on some poorly designed IQ chart and say the people below this line are inferior and cost money and the people above this line are human and can have rights oh and then also use that line to call other people stupid.
There are synonyms that you can use for vernacular that absolutely fill the needs that you're suggesting are crucial for the english language. There are plenty of words to call your friend when he left his keys in your car and his phone at his ex's. If they don't satisfy you, be the next shakespeare and write your own.
There are also plenty of words to describe a vulnerable group of people. There will always - of course - be a need to talk about them, and a need to have certain codified terms whose definitions we agree on for the purposes of professional care and legal protections. These don't need to be the same words anymore, and if we do our jobs right they never will be again.
And yes, the word may and probably should be allowed to forever bear the stain of that history of linguistic injustice. The use cases for "That's so stupid, dude" and "The results came back. I'm sorry to tell you this, but your son may never develop the ability to read." don't need to overlap ever again.
"Retard" was the last one, and therefore the worst one. No, being new is not somehow morally relevant. It is the worst one because it is the one that was still in living memory when we learned how to do better.
The treadmill stopped, and you're still standing on it, upset that people are leaving you behind and blaming them for having the audacity to move on. You're not pushing people away to save time. You're just hurting yourself and others.