MacaqueAndCheese

Fun fact: it's a crime to bake a cat but not a crime to bake bread.

Every morning when I wake up Im part of a sequel to these movies called Pissboner

The last time I went scorpion surfing Urkel put a snorkel in my ass to help me pass gas. It was pretty cool I guess.

If only I could monetize them, then I could afford many quail eggs.

When I was a kid in the 60s my hippie uncle told me that what gave him power was stuffing a quail egg in his foreskin and then his elderly neighbour would put her false teeth in her ass and he'd boink her and the egg would come out of his foreskin and she'd chomp it in her ass with the false teeth. I had no idea what he was talking about because I was only 7 when he told me this but now that I'm elderly I love sticking my false teeth in my ass to chew quail eggs from nice men.

It's like that old nursery rhyme "suck my dick and fuck my dad, but only if your name is Brad"

My neighbor's great grandson got caught making smoked dog knob salads for the church picnic and no one batted an eye. They all loved it and asked for the recipe.

When I'm like 80 I'm getting one of these for my mobility scooter and I'm just gonna ride in the middle of the road.

Bob Saget's grandpa used to tell me about how he used to ace his job interviews by talking about the world renown communist Ninja turtles. I don't remember what he said about them though because I used to get really bored talking to geriatrics.

I tried to teach my grandpa's crabs how to read but he smacked me and told me to stop talking to his pubes

He looks like the little weasel that lives in my uncle's foreskin. That things been dead for years but the taxidermist filled it with dehydrated cum flakes to keep with the theme of penis weasel. One day when he dies I'll scoop the little guy out of there and empty out those cum flakes and smoke them on public transit.

I've got brain syndrome