Personally I DO self-host... and I have very few problems. I get blacklisted occasionally but it's not been a huge concern and is usually only the low-priority blacklists... I did have to go through jumping through hoops early on to get my IP accepted but I haven't had problems in years.
For my mail server these days I use Docker Mailserver. It's really complete as a server (no frontend though) for setting up a really good IMAP/SMTP server. I have a full docker swarm cluster running here that keeps it VERY reliable. For a frontend on my desktop I use Evolution or Thunderbird (I'm a Linux user).
For a web frontend I have a few I have played with. My current "primary driver" is Snappymail acting as a plugin to my NextCloud instance. However I've had good experiences using E-Groupware which is VERY feature complete as an Outlook alternative.
Hope that helps!
It's a homelab. I start from scratch about every 2 years just because I can.
The only consistent element is the data on the system... the operating system, applications and frameworks often get a workout.
Having said all that, my current setup is working exceedingly well for my use case and I don't know that I'm going to change it en-masse any time soon. Individual apps will change though I'm sure.