[-] ThrowAwayForObvReasons@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Can you cite any research into tarot card reading specifically as an effective tool?

You ask if you if you are a fool to consider that you should love someone more deeply than their "logistics".

I never said that, I'm shocked at how completely wrong you're getting this. I'm going to assume you're a troll.

I literally in my post say that "I don't feel the chemistry/attraction"

Are you just trolling?

Logistics matter, if one of you badly wants kids and the other doesn't at all that's a deal-breaker no matter how madly in love you are.

People who pretend logistics don't matter are naive.

Should a 40 year old women who wants kids date a 25 year old student who lives on a different continent and firmly believes he doesn't want kids just because they are madly in love? No obviously not.

Logistics matter.

Love matters equally, I never said it didn't. Somehow you seem to gotten it into your head that I think love doesn't matter or that I don't care for love, if that was true I wouldn't have made a post literally talking about a lack of emotions/love that I feel and if others have felt the same and later found it.

What happens when the "logistics" falter? Are you willing to compromise your self admitted desire for more? Are you willing to be unsatisfied in the emotional and romantic connection department just because your friends think she's hot?

Honestly did you even read my post or replies? What makes you think that I think any of the things you just said.

Sure logistics or even love can falter, but you need to start from a good foundation where logistics and love is at a good place to stand a chance.

Two people can love each other, but not make each other happy or not give each other what they need. Logistics matter, love alone isn't enough.

I've known her for 4 weeks, the logistics couldn't be better but I feel a lack of love/spark.

That's what brings me here making this post, because I feel both are important.

Thanks yea, I'll definitely give it some time.

After some more thought I think we might lack some emotional closeness and vulnerability. We're different in some ways and probably haven't opened up to each other enough yet. These things come with time, I need to curb my expectations given the time frame

I don't feel comfortable asking someone to be more feminine.

I feel people should accept each other for who they are and how they are, I'd hate to ask someone to change to fit what feels like shallow needs of mine.

Trust, respect and friendship I feel is 100% there.

To me trust and respect comes easy, there are many people in my life I trust and respect, and I'd never cheat on my partner. I just don't see myself ever doing that it's not who I am.

I can see a incredible partnership and life with this person but I feel my heart isn't 100% in it, maybe I'm a hopeless romantic and feel a lack of a feeling of love or emotional connection. IDK

I'd hate requiring someone to change for the relationship to work, especially something that feels so surface level.

I feel changing to fit your partner happens a bit naturally over time, but it shouldn't be a requirement and I'd hate to ask someone to dress differently or behave differently.

If they happen do wear or do something I like, I'd say "Ohhh I love that" etc. to subtly encourage it, but if they never want to wear a dress I don't want to pressure them into that.

I have a lot of respect for my potential new partner, she's really got her life together and I've been told so do I.

For me respect comes easy, there are many people in my life that I respect and will always be there for them when they need me, and who make me a better person and I for them.

But maybe I'm a hopeless romantic, and feel there's a spark or love or something missing with this potential new partner, and I'm trying to figure that out.

I'm sure we can have great lives together and are a good fit in so many ways, but I'm scared that'd I'd be stuck with this feeling that I'm missing something, and I hope I fall in love with her, but yea time till tell, it's early days, let's see.

I might not be 100% over my ex, it is fairly recent.

My ex was very toxic, and admittedly so was I. I'd like to think though therapy, reflection and a lot of maturing I've grown into a much better person.

To me my ex is like how some would describe heroin. Incredible high highs and blissful times, but then only to knock you down low and hurt you. I had to step away and will keep that door closed.

I don't think I was ever comparing my new potential partner to my ex until I tried to make sense of where my feelings might be coming from, up until now I didn't know I cared about femininity to this degree.

If I had never dated my ex, I think I'd still have the same dilemma I find myself in now.

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submitted 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) by ThrowAwayForObvReasons@lemmy.world to c/relationship_advice@lemmy.world

I don't know where to begin, so I'm just going to put words on 'paper'

I'm 33 and got out of a serious relationship ~6 months ago.

I'm looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with, and recently met someone that is a perfect fit for me on paper in so many ways, however there is a thought or feeling I just can't escape. I feel there is a lack of chemistry/attraction.

My new potential partner and I have been seeing each other for about a month, and have spent many days and nights together. She is objectively good looking and anyone would be lucky to have her multiple of my friends have said wow she's really pretty when they've met her however I don't feel the chemistry/attraction and I think I know where it comes from.

My ex was extremely feminine and we had insane chemistry from the start, the new potential partner I'm dating isn't feminine and is quite masculine in physical and behavioral ways and I think that's a turn off for me. I didn't even realize femininity mattered this much to me.

I feel insane for thinking of breaking things off with an objectively attractive, successful women who's logistics fit so well with mine it's honestly like finding a needle in a haystacks.

I feel stuck constantly fighting questions like:

  • Am I just full of shit and looking for a unicorn that doesn't exist?
  • Should I listen to my heart and feelings and let go of this because - it doesn't feel right?
  • I'm getting old and want to settle down, should I priorities logistics and accept good enough?
  • Am I just overly picky? Can I afford to be this picky?

My heart is telling me one thing, my head another. Help

6
submitted 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) by ThrowAwayForObvReasons@lemmy.world to c/AskLemmy@lemmings.world

I don't know where to begin, so I'm just going to put words on 'paper'

I'm 33 and got out of a serious relationship ~6 months ago.

I'm looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with, and recently met someone that is a perfect fit for me on paper in so many ways however there is a thought or feeling I just can't escape. I feel there is a lack of chemistry/attraction.

My new potential partner and I have been seeing each other for about a month, and have spent many days and nights together. She is objectively good looking and anyone would be lucky to have her multiple of my friends have said wow she's really pretty when they've met her however I don't feel the chemistry/attraction and I think I know where it comes from.

My ex was extremely feminine and we had insane chemistry from the start, the new potential partner I'm dating isn't feminine and is quite masculine in physical and behavioral ways and I think that's a turn off for me. I didn't even realize femininity mattered this much to me.

I feel insane for thinking of breaking things off with an objectively attractive, successful women who's logistics fit so well with mine it's honestly like finding a needle in a haystacks.

I feel stuck constantly fighting questions like:

  • Am I just full of shit and looking for a unicorn that doesn't exist?
  • Should I listen to my heart and feelings and let go of this because it doesn't feel right?
  • I'm getting old and want to settle down, should I priorities logistics and accept good enough?
  • Am I just overly picky? Can I afford to be this picky?

My heart is telling me one thing, my head another. Help

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ThrowAwayForObvReasons

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