caput_t

Thank you very much for your detailed response. There are several points where I can empathize deeply. I am sorry that the day of the tour ended on such an unpleasant note.

Do you have trouble eating or drinking balanced meals? I wonder if a vitamin or even calorie deficiency could be contributing. I have to eat before I take my meds (even though I find it hard to eat in the morning) or my brain crashes hard in the afternoon.

My diet is balanced. I don't eat excessive amounts of meat; it is largely plant-based.

I want to ask more about the overtime. Why are you doing so much overtime? Are you unable to hit objectives? Are the objectives “real” or self imposed? Or do you have trouble transitioning away from work?

I work these extra hours because, generally speaking, I take longer to complete my tasks—though, in return, I am more thorough in my field. I try to compensate for the reduced output resulting from this by working overtime. Unfortunately, my work can also be time-critical, as other people depend on my decisions.

.... I usually end up going down unproductive rabbit holes so it’s not like I’m churning out widgets and making others look bad in comparison.

... I feel like I have to work longer because of all the extra effort that goes into doing what I feel are basic tasks. I can’t work off a surface level understanding of something. I need to understand it before I make a decision. ...

That is, in fact, part of the reason why I work overtime. I, too, tend to get lost in the details of a problem or a case. At least, that is how my manager describes it. I see it somewhat differently—actually, much in the way you describe it in the paragraph above. I can relate to that so well. The mere fact that you, too, apparently feel this way gave me the sense that I am not alone—or simply stupid. Thank you!

Edit: changed "team meeting" to "tour" at the beginning.

Yes, I certainly think so—or at least, that is the feedback I receive. In my performance reviews, my professional expertise and the quality of my work consistently fall within the above-average range. The quantity of my work, however, falls into the below-average range.

A colleague once remarked that I was a "walking encyclopedia." Personally, however, I don't see myself that way.

I have also already tried to leverage this very strength as a selling point. I was told that while this is indeed a nice asset, the field I work in ultimately places the priority on sheer volume.

Consequently—once again—I am currently trying to look around for positions that would be a better fit for me.

No, that’s not it. I take longer to complete my tasks, but in return, I am more precise. I get bogged down in details too easily and want to get everything right. The overtime is an attempt to compensate for that. It is—I think—a poor coping mechanism.

I think more focus should be put on how falling >asleep was a primary symptom before.

The more I think about it, you might be right.

That's an interesting perspective. I hadn't thought of that, thanks.

I definitely didn't mean to scare you or make you feel insecure. I'm sorry about that. But for me, without medication, it was the same: I was really tired all the time and could basically fall asleep anytime and anywhere. I would even get bouts of tiredness while driving, and I would ask my wife to keep going under the pretext of needing a break. I was also a little ashamed of being constantly tired, even in the most inappropriate situations. In those moments, I was more concerned with the thought of falling asleep at the handlebars while driving and thus endangering not only myself but everyone else on the road. Of course, I don't know how severe your pressure to sleep is in your situations. For me, it was and probably still is enormous without medication.

The cocaine thing wasn't meant literally. I was just exaggerating 😉. I just imagine that people without ADHD might act more like they have ants in their pants when taking Elvanse. But I have to admit, I do miss that feeling a little after I took Elvanse for the first time.

Yes, there's probably something to that. Maybe I need more time to better assess and get to know everything. Thanks for the words, anyway.