overview for immathrowawayig

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How do people deal with sudden waves of deep endearing for a partner? (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 4 months ago by immathrowawayig@sh.itjust.works to c/nostupidquestions@lemmy.world

3 comments fedilink

I am one of those who are in their twenties and never had a partner (unless you count that one odd semi edating stuff I got going at one time). And thus never felt touch of a partner or their love lol.

Well in my teens, I never had these feelings this high and I always felt focusing on my studies was the best so I had myself distracted all the time. Love was a foreign concept.

Even now it does feel like one, but after a long online situationship( ? idk what you call it) I feel it unlocked something in me. I have been feeling stuff I haven't felt before and this had me trying to watch some romcoms which I never did in my teenage. But these don't really sit with me and idk how to deal with the random waves of endearing for a loving partner (my teenage self of me is still cringing at this while I type >W<) .

So what are some ways to quench off this particular thrist (without, obviously, getting a gf)?

Note: I will look for a gf in the long run for sure, I'm only looking at alternative ways of dealing with these feelings.

what's the dumbest thing you've done online? by immathrowawayig in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

[-] immathrowawayig@sh.itjust.works 9 points 8 months ago

Sexted. Honestly before this I never understood what's so arousing about it and kinda thought it was dumb but damn it was actually very fun tbh. Never actually read sexting other people have done so I had 0 experience and turns out the other person was same.

We were both innocent (at least I was) and it was very funny how hard we tried to get each other's things going. I'd be thinking to do one thing and they'd thinking to one thing and there was a lot of confusion lol.

And now to the dumbiest part, I STILL have those chats on my phone. I could delete them even now but idk I kinda not want to delete them?

What do I make of this person I met online? by immathrowawayig in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

[-] immathrowawayig@sh.itjust.works 1 points 11 months ago

Honestly this is not the case. I have been very disconnected for the 1st year or so meeting her. Our texts spaced around hours or even days. We used to go back and forth sending delayed texts before the topics dies.

Later I have started being more active and she did the same. She was the one who said I have gotten close to her and not just my assumption.

Expectations wise, I was very clear from the start. But I am guessing she did had other expectations from how she entertained such expectations from her other friends.

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What do I make of this person I met online? (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) by immathrowawayig@sh.itjust.works to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

24 comments fedilink

I have this online female friend and we have been friends for almost 4 years now. We met in an online game. She's the one who asked my social media ID so we can play together. And she seems to have done to a lot of people as well. So she was kinda collecting a lot of friends. Have seen people get nto her lobbies and say "Thank you so much for listening to me the other day," "You are really a kind person" and so on. There was this one guy used to address her as his "bi*ch". At this I thought they were a couple but apparently they met on the game and known eachother for only a few months and were just friends.

She used to text me first whenever she was about to play. And used to check on me if I hadn't appeared on the game for a week or two.

Later we got close. I stopped gaming but she still plays other games. But after I got close, she stopped texting me first. Only would chat with me if I texted her first. I asked her why she never texts me about anything. She goes "Uhh I am not that type to text people first" "I never do that to anyone" "I think you're just busy" and so on.

So all this weird behaviour had me thinking why she is doing all this? What are her motives? What kind of person is she?

I did ask her these questions many times but only got vague answers. She also never gives anything about her other online friends and usually becomes defensive when I bring them up in a conversation.

How often do guys have a haircut? by immathrowawayig in c/nostupidquestions@lemmy.world

[-] immathrowawayig@sh.itjust.works 3 points 11 months ago

Umm.. idk I am just too smiley ig. When I'm actively doing something infront of mirror I do not smile like a maniac tho. It only happens when I'm just sitting idle and seeing my face.

How often do guys have a haircut? by immathrowawayig in c/nostupidquestions@lemmy.world

[-] immathrowawayig@sh.itjust.works 4 points 11 months ago

Alright since we are on this topic, I am gonna ask how y'all keep a straight face when a mirror is placed in front of you for about 30-45m straight?

I cannot, for the love of god, stop my smile at all. Especially when I'm slowly transitioning to a new look, I just can't stop smiling when a mirror is placed in front of me. Feels extremely awkward when a guy is working on you and you starts smiling for no reason.

That being said, I'm due for a haircut now. Planning to do it by this weekend. Last I got my haircut was in June(!). So, a good 2½ months.

[Relationship advice] How do I stop feeling distraught after I set up a whole situation for me and got disappointed when things went not as expected? by immathrowawayig in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

[-] immathrowawayig@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I agree that I am immature as other people have identified too here. But how do I get matured? Go outside? Form friendships? Honestly atp of life, making friends seems hard and sadly I'm not that young. I have finished my studies. Guess I'm one immature adult but hoping to be a better version in the future.

Thanks for the advice.

[Relationship advice] How do I stop feeling distraught after I set up a whole situation for me and got disappointed when things went not as expected? by immathrowawayig in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

[-] immathrowawayig@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 year ago

Agree. I'll make sure to plan before and then have expectations set. Thanks.

[Relationship advice] How do I stop feeling distraught after I set up a whole situation for me and got disappointed when things went not as expected? by immathrowawayig in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

[-] immathrowawayig@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 year ago

Very true. It was just so stupid of me to assume she would be free. Usually she is, but I should've asked her anyway. My bad totally.

[Relationship advice] How do I stop feeling distraught after I set up a whole situation for me and got disappointed when things went not as expected? by immathrowawayig in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

[-] immathrowawayig@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 year ago

Thanks for your advice. You being in same situation as me in the past gives me hope. I'll to go out more and sed how it goes.

[Relationship advice] How do I stop feeling distraught after I set up a whole situation for me and got disappointed when things went not as expected? by immathrowawayig in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

[-] immathrowawayig@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 year ago

Umm, what do you mean? You think someone cat fishing me? If so, then why do you think so, we have been friends for almost 4yrs now.

Tbh I always had this worry about her. Always was suspicious about her having some ill intentions behind her acts. Especially when she maintained alt accounts on Instagram. Lied quite a few times to me. She said that it was her main account when she gave it to me but turned into alt later. I really can't believe on that because for some reason she changed her username for her alt account after she gave it to me. And also completely forgot that she even shared her ID to me and which raises another question that how many friends like me is she maintaining that she forgot to whom she gave her alt account to.

Honestly idk at this point, after multiple fights and arguments with her I am tired to think that way as it brings a lot of anxiety and consumes my energy. She complained that I don't trust her, and I have come to a conclusion that only trusting her can put an end to my anxiety.

[Relationship advice] How do I stop feeling distraught after I set up a whole situation for me and got disappointed when things went not as expected? by immathrowawayig in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

[-] immathrowawayig@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 year ago

Thanks for the detailed write-up. And you are spot-on I believe. I agree with almost all of the points and funny how I didn't realise how hypocritical I was.

But few things I want to clear here. Yes, I was sad about things not going my way but I didn't express these to her nor blamed her for ruining my evening or something. I just let her go. I only came here, trying to understand why I felt that way and what I can do about it. That's it.

And true, I am not ready for relationship and I often feel I don't have any personality at all. Low self-esteem and insecure are some other things I have identified in me, which I forgot to mention in my post. And having these qualities has made me push my friends away. I currently have 0 irl friends, and sad part is she is my only friend I have rn with whom I can open about everything. There are people who are in touch with me as friends but I am not very open to them at all and I really can't gel with them.

[Relationship advice] How do I stop feeling distraught after I set up a whole situation for me and got disappointed when things went not as expected? by immathrowawayig in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

[-] immathrowawayig@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 year ago

why don't you log some time in the real world?

I am assuming with "you" here you are calling us both to spend some time irl? Thats just very out of reach for us as we are very long distance from eachother, not sure if we both meet eachother at all in our lives :/

Video calls No, we haven't and we don't see a reason in doing so. We both are introverts and we prefer chatting over calls. But she did shwo her interest in making calls for fun at one point but we forgot about it later on. We did exchange our pics, so yeah.

And regarding me touching grass, oh yeah that's some area I need to improve upon too.

[Relationship advice] How do I stop feeling distraught after I set up a whole situation for me and got disappointed when things went not as expected? by immathrowawayig in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

[-] immathrowawayig@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 year ago

Throwaway account btw as I don't like to post personal stuff from my main account. Hope you all understand. Cheers.

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[Relationship advice] How do I stop feeling distraught after I set up a whole situation for me and got disappointed when things went not as expected? (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 1 year ago by immathrowawayig@sh.itjust.works to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

23 comments fedilink

Argh. Alright sounds very dumb but here am I seeking for opinions to knock some sense into me.

So, I have this girl who is my online-only friend who I've been chatting with for almost 4 years now. We gotten really close and too close to call her just a friend. She termed that we might be in a situationship. My knowledge regarding relationships is 0 as I have no prior experience in relationships. So I'm learning as we go.

I'm enjoying so much of her presence with me chatting online that I think I am not doing any rational thinking, like, putting off stuff just to catch her online to chat and bunch of other stuff. I have recognised this having adverse effects on me so I've started to prioritise things this week due to which I have gotten very less time chatting her.

Today, being the weekend I wanted to spend all evening chatting with her with no limits on my schedule as it is a weekend. I have set these crazy expectations of just spending all evening with her doing nothing but chatting.

But to my disappointment, she replied late and turns out that she was out somewhere attending a party of her friend. I just told her to enjoy the night and acted nonchalantly. But insidesl, there is this huge disappointment that was crushing me.

I have started to think some very bad stuff like:

that I should just let people be and enjoy being alone
depending on people always leads to disappointments
expectations should be curbed and always have low expectations about everything
being alone is the best way to treat yourself
stay away from people and indulge in alone entertainment like watching web series or movies at home

I know, very dumb of me to think of these things but on the other hand these stuff brings some sort of solace to my distraught mind.

Also as I have been learning about myself a lot since I've gotten close to her, I have identified myself being cynical, toxic(we always fight and patch up, not sure if it's toxic I'm still learning), jealous and showing signs of limerence with anxiously attached relationship traits. Crazy package I know but I'm willing to get better and I feel the first step is recognising my bad behaviours. This is why I'm here seeking for opinions to knock some sense into me.